Letting go…………

 

    My Son was eighteen last year, and he and I have over the years had turbulent times, but come through them well and I am so proud of the person he has grown into. He is funny, kind and good company to be around. His curiosity for the world around him is a quest to learn, and in subjects he loves, such as history, he is wonderful to learn from. He isn`t just my Son, but my friend too now that he`s grown, and despite clashing with out similarities at times, I couldn`t imagine having anyone better for my Son.

  My ex partner, his Father, was a very controlling, abusive man who has left scars with us both mentally that we both have to cope with still. I have  come to terms with mine over time but my Sons came to head when he hit the normal stresses of exams, etc, and he`s been having to cope with that, but doing so well.

   I spent 18mths not seeing him at all as his Father took him and kept him from me when he was twelve and I spent so many years feeling that I needed to protect, over compensate and in & out of court for ten years. This has resulted in me, as a Mother finding it so hard to let go now that he is older.

  My Son is off next week to visit a friend in Dorset, I think it`ll do him the world of good to get away and spend time with his Friend, who he`s known since he about ten or eleven. I worry though about him changing over coaches alone in London, and the time travelling and wonder if i`m being irrational and over protective? I keep telling my rational self that he is a man now and older than my Father was when he came over from Ireland alone. My over protective self says that he inmature for his age, disorganised and has no sence of time. Then I worry that i`m doing my Son an injustice. I lay awake all night Sunday turning this over & over in my mind.

  I think this may be compelled by the fact he`s my only child, apart from three Angel babies. Though I understand every parent has these worries and i`m not unique, I am  finding it hard to let go.

 

 

 

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About Maith an cailin

Born in the 1960s, I`m a single Mum of a young adult. I am a full-time wheelchair user, who has been single since a marriage breakdown in 2008. I live in a UK remote village, not easy with a disability but this is a honest account of a ordinary Woman with a disability.
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