Snow!

Outside it is white and pretty, children love it! My Nephews went on their sleigh today and my teenage son is out on his snowboard. For me though it`s been the last three or four winters trapped in my home, unable to even leave my front garden without help from my Son or Family. If the snow if thick I get stuck or if it`s thin then the wheels turn but only on the spot. The wheel rims get so cold that my hands hurt and the wheelchair itself gets snow in every crevice and traipsed into homes. I think it`s beautiful to look at, but other than that I don`t like it at all!

As i type this Ireland are playing Wales in the Rugby and being the good London /Irish Cailin I am, i`m rooting for Ireland all the way, and we`re almost neck & neck so far. (We lost  :-/  )

My old 18-year-old dog is snoring beside me, still leaving me with the same dilemma as usual. He has anal and testicular cancer and can`t tell me if he`s in pain, but yet, he still loves his food, tries to play with his little fur sister and follows me everywhere, and so I haven`t had him put down yet. His cancer is visible, but is that enough reason when all else he still seems to enjoy life?

My Son is back from Dorset, where he lived the student lifestyle with his mate, who attends Uni there; A week spent drinking, take outs, joining the great unwashed, little sleep and a lot of skateboarding. I fretted over the days he travelled alone, but apart from those the week went fast and I felt a guilt at not having more faith in him or my Mothering skills and how i`ve raised him.

I was at friends at the end of last month, when my mobile rang. I apologised and said I should have tuned it off, I then looked at the number and recognized the 94 at the end, but just in case I was wrong I answered. It was the ex, he never said, `you alright to talk?` or anything, he was in a fluster because his girlfriend was rowing with him about why our divorce hadn`t happened yet and demanding to know what was happening. The ex was in a flap that id answer her if she had text, and begged me not to get involved. He`s just terrified that his lies will be exposed, as she has no idea we slept together just after he moved in with her; That last August it was me, not his parents he stayed with (On the sofa)  or that her baby has been to mine a handful of times now and I have the pictures to prove it!   She`s, according to the ex, demanding the divorce and has no idea that It`s him. not me that`s been reluctant. Now he`s agreed and I`ve told him that he should do his bit, and drive me to the court to swear in the final papers, she says he doesn`t need to do that and is causing a fuss!  Despite doing all the groundwork for the divorce, as I felt there was no point not to, I am myself not that fussed. I have no intention of ever re-marrying, I have been married twice and don`t believe in third time lucky. So If it gets done, fine, if it doesn`t, still fine.

I had another date, due next Tuesday. We`d been talking a while, and i found him interesting and easy-going. He`s a nature writer and photography and he seemed genuine enough on Facebook. So we set up a date and was all set to meet until he texted me: “I`ll have to wear my tight pants to hide my erection when I see you!” Forget it! Cancelled!

I am very fortunoute as I live in an area where there is still a certain amount of community spirit, or christian kindness, whichever way you put it. It is this that has been helping me raise towards getting two new wheelchairs, as they are almost as much as a car in price and both mine are over eight years old and very worse for wear. One is an outdorr electic wheelchair, that is rusty, broken and the battery is unreliable. My second is a manual indoor wheelchair that has worn tyres and is very heavy to lift. I am very grateful for the kindness of those that are helping raise the money with the charity concerned with my disability. However i have always strived to be seen as `normal` as I can be, despite my disability and am finding it difficult to be a charity case, where words such as `inflicted`are used in local newsletters. I understand that people are less likely to give to those looking less needy, but my pride is taking a battering! Plus, my Son is not appreciating the attention that his proud, strong mother is now being seen as a pity case. What is the option though when I don`t have that kind of money, the NHS have only contributed £1004 and I have no other means to get something that is vital to my everyday life and independence?

My stepson contacted me on the internet last week. He has two weeks off and wants him and his girlfriend to visit for a week, which would be lovely, especially at it`s his 16th birthday soon too.

Anyway, my oven is beeping, so time to dish up and put my Sons dinner in the microwave for when he gets in frozen and hungry.

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About Maith an cailin

Born in the 1960s, I`m a single Mum of a young adult. I am a full-time wheelchair user, who has been single since a marriage breakdown in 2008. I live in a UK remote village, not easy with a disability but this is a honest account of a ordinary Woman with a disability.
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