Life online……………

 

 Since last typed I a post, I have been nursing a leg that rebelled after an over eager tai chi warm up; It has been agony for about two weeks now. At first it took twenty minutes just to move across the bed in the mornings as each movement was excruciating and sleep was aided by paracetamol. (I never take medication unless in agony.)

  Now though  I am still being ultra careful, as I can feel the bone move and grind together, (Held together by a Harrington rod) but I am more able and not in so much pain unless I move it wrong, but no weight-bearing yet, it`d probably snap completely.

  I have been out a couple of times, but not far and no where exciting, as I don`t want to over do it or slip while easing myself from wheelchair to car, but at least I get fresh air!

  So life is done online mostly at the moment. This is where I stay in touch with distant family, old friends around the country, making new friends and dating; If it`s good enough for Kerry Katona and Cheryl Cole, then why not? lol.

  As I have said before, I have been on a dating site for some months now, and mostly I chat to the same guys, as we to and fro messages and I get to know them as friends for different reasons.

  One guy and I talk to does open university, and he too is doing psychology, so we chat about that and share views. He also has an old dog and so understood when I had to part with mine. There will never be romance but we now share a friendship that has gone on for almost a year now.

  There are another two that we have swapped mobiles with, they text, occasionally call. and are keen to meet me, I do get cold feet, but have got to know them well now as friends.

  One is kind, and gentle, texts me all day every day and tells me his every move, but doesn`t make me laugh or catch my interest, which I feel bad about as he is so sweet. He doesn`t drive and so I see life being limited, which sounds selfish of me, but i`m thinking ahead to practicalities and I don`t feel any real chemistry with him.

 The other is quirky like me, he`ll banter with me and makes me laugh. He keeps busy despite problems with muscle pain and fatigue, but like me plods on regardless and I feel we`d get on well and have a laugh.

 One friend said to just meet them and `you`ll know,` but the first guy is already keen and sending texts like `missed you today` and with kisses on and I’m not sure it`d be fair if in the long run id have to let him down; I try not to lead him on as we have never even met.

  Id like to meet them both, just as friends and if in time we get on better, than great. but I  think no 1 bloke doesn`t have  that outlook, maybe due to loneliness, not sure. Even on my dating profile it states that I am not willing to rush into anything just for the sake of it and I`m not!

 That`s not to say that it wouldn`t be nice to have a nice guy to turn to, talk to, and have good times with, id be inhuman if I didn`t want that, everyone loves company. I have learnt enough about me though to know that there are certain things I no longer want too.

  I don`t want to live in anyones pocket; I like to keep a certain independence. If I doubt I can trust them, then I want out. I don`t like OTT flattery or being called `Babe.` I want someone I can have an intelligent conversation with or ill get bored. I like sex, but it has to mean something too. They`ll have to be my friend as well as anything more. Any sign of dominance, i`m off! I know who I am now and I`ve learnt what I need.

 I love the comfortable silences and being so in tune that you can tell from  looking across and knowing how they`re feeling or thinking. The little in jokes that no-one else gets, that is what I hope to find now, and patience is what i`m relying on, and taking my time to get to know people as friends first.

 

 

 

 

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About Maith an cailin

Born in the 1960s, I`m a single Mum of a young adult. I am a full-time wheelchair user, who has been single since a marriage breakdown in 2008. I live in a UK remote village, not easy with a disability but this is a honest account of a ordinary Woman with a disability.
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