The sun has been out, and so have I! Oh yes, the lobster without the water is me and then came the rain! So British, but I love it.
I have been, with the help of my Son, making my garden into the nature magnet I want it to be; bird feeders and ponds to attract the wildlife that wishes to visit and already it`s working. Birds in abundance, the pond has flowered and my Son had a big snuffling hedgehog beneath his bedroom window. I love it so much now, and slowly I am enjoying being at home without thinking of the family we once were, now it is MY home. I sit and watch television with my little dog and feel relaxed and comfortable. I venture out into my garden and wonder as it changes seasons and how it slowly becomes what I want it to be.
Whilst doing this, I have remembered the two unmarked souls placed in its earth last and this year, and now my old cat has a pinky white rose-bush at her head and my little old man dog has a red rose-bush as his and now they have natural markers just as my other dog and cat also have, beautiful memorials.
Apart from sitting in the garden getting a tan, which I really shouldn`t do with my pale celtic skin; I have also been out a few times with an old friend and a befriending scheme. So I have visited a country house where I wished id taken a pair of secateurs, as the grounds where so full of different plants and bushes, lol. I sat out in the sunshine, in my summer dress, chatting with new people and loving the wonderful place around me.
I`ve been out to coffee and lunch a few times with my friend or with a group, and though it`s sometimes been difficult socializing after so long at home, I have thrown on my people face and got on with it and enjoyed it.
A Show to accomplish.
Massaged away by sprays,
showered along thoughts,
directions bouncing blindly.
A reflection, older, tired,
Stares a return so silent.
Coconut wafts applied,
Lifelines softened glow.
The colour tray opened,
Descriptive names adjusted;
Layers of confidence created,
Slow, steady sweeps,
The mask builds a persona.
Liner lines defined,
War paint of strength.
A character re-created.
Ready to advance forward,
Face fears and conquer,
Celtic Warrior woman,
A show to accomplish.
I`m still visiting the dating site, but not as often, I only look in if I get a message, but it never fails to amuse, surprise or warm me on different levels.
I have blocked nine perverts, which amuses me no end at times and creeps me out on others: One was a gimp in womans clothes and a gas mask who wanted to talk dirty, but most just want pictures or sex chat.
I had a message from a man of 68, baring in mind my parents are both in their early 70s. I politely more than once told him I prefered younger men, and eventually after trying to woo me with offers of european trips, he told me that I had `a chip on my shoulder,` because I more forcefully told him I wasn`t interested!
The men that I have remained in contact with and have become net friends are unlikely to ever be more for reasons I feel a little guilty about as I am disabled myself. These men have each a disability that affects their daily lives that has come on in later life, and I wonder if they see a disabled girl and feel that I will accept them without qualms or be grateful for them. It doesn`t really work that way as I see the practical problems that may arise in the long-term instead; Does that make me a bad person or a hypocrite? I mull this over often.
I did finally tell the nice guy that didn`t drive that I wasn`t really interested and he didn`t take it well, and kept sending emotional texts saying he`d had a bad year and he thought I was his `turning point.` This only proved to me that id done the right thing, as looking for happiness in others is never a good thing, it needs to be found within yourself. He wanted to stay friends, which I at first agreed but then I texted back less and less as I began to realise he was hoping to change my mind. I do feel cruel in one respect, but proud of myself in another as years ago id not have had the confidence in myself to be so assertive.
I am getting on well with a man of 33, bit younger than me, but he feeds my mind, as in he`s an intellect and yet, quite grounded too, so who knows? He has given me his contact details and as of yet, I have not used them but he interests me.
England at this present time is full of union jack flags and talks of the jubilee. Today my three-year old Nephew came home from nursery this morning with a little flag, which was quite sweet though. I myself have never been a royalist for various reasons, and only have an interest in them as individuals on a people basis but as an establishment I have no time for them. I do hope though that it brings back a bit of community spirit, which this country needs to re-discover.