Today has been way too hot, and though I love the sunshine I haven`t known where to put myself to be comfortable. I don`t want to cook and even the dog is flagging and spends most of her time laying outstretched in the middle of rooms. I have spent a lot of time filling animal water bowls and poulty feeders with water as they are drinking it so fast.
My Son has gone to a wedding today with his Girlfriend and her family. I am hugely proud of the fact he has held down the same relationship for four years despite only being 19 this year and also there has been an hours distance between them for the last two years, and still they have managed. Some may feel they are too young, but they have been very mature in the decisions made in that time.
My Son though at this time is at a crossroads, as he could resume college in September where he could continue with another years course, despite being fed up of the education system which he has never really enjoyed. His second option is to sign on and look for an apprenticeship or job, though he is not sure what he wants to do either at the moment.
My fear there is that he may get in a rut as over this summer holiday he has slept most of the days away. He is already moody and volatile and I tread on eggshells some days to avoid confrontation but I know it is because he himself doesn`t believe in himself and fears the unknown. The education system let him down and he had a difficult start to life, and though I always tried to be his place of safety, it wasn`t always possible against a tyrant that constantly told him he was stupid and beat him. It is easy for people to say the past is the past and we shouldn`t let if dictate our future, but it`s not always so easy to do. I have been in two abusive relationships as an adult, one was both physical and mentally abusive, and the one after, (when I was still vulnerable) mentally abusive with intimidation. It is the mental abuse that lasts the longest, and I was an adult. Can you imagine that being a child that had no defence, no way out against a parent that should only love them? I tried my best in and out of court for ten years, but unless a child speaks up there is nothing done and some children are just too afraid to speak as mine was.
He has grown into a kind, considerate,funny, articulate, intelligent, sociable and loving adult, and though sometimes we have our problems, I am immensely proud of who he has become despite his initial problems.
I have also come to a crossroads lately, and have actually stopped contact with some `friends` as I realised that I never hear from them and their `friendship` is all one-sided and just words; With age has come the wisdom to know the difference! So not just on net have I had a `cull,` but also in life, as I know who my true friends are and id rather be able to count them on one hand than not be able to count on them at all!