It`s arrived, that time when being single has finally run it`s course and my own company has become a lonely place to be, it`s been over three years now. Weekends are the hardest as they are a time when friends and family enjoy together time and more often or not I have my Son and his girlfriend loved up at home.
I would just would like the company of someone to call or pop round, maybe go for a drive somewhere nice or just snuggle up in front of a good film together. I don`t want perfection, just companionship and a sence of being a part of togetherness. I live in a very rural village and so dating isn`t going to be an easy option, and so it is another dating site, but not the same one. The problem with the last one was that it was free, but this one has an option, and also, I met my ex there eleven years ago, which proves it can work.
I have come such a long, long way this year, since cutting all ties with the ex and uncovering the truth of his lies. I have also learnt a lot about myself over the last four years, more of what I DON`T want in a relationship than what I DO; I know who I am, what I like, what I don`t. Yes, I do want someone to share my life, but I am not desperate as I am content in my life, just know it would be an added bonus to meet someone now.
I can`t say that I`m not scared, of course I am, I have never had a good relationship, never felt I really mattered to any of them and have been left emotionally abused by each of them, but that has only left me stronger and better at seeing under the surface now. I used to be attracted to bad boys and looks, (Some may say I got what I asked for) but now I find intelligence attractive, someone I can sit and chat to. That`s not to say that if Johnny Depp walked in and swept me off my feet that id turn him away at the door, lol, Id never do that!
A good conversation, a kind heart and loyalty are more important to me now than the idealistic dream of love. Comfortable silences, in jokes, and being able to call on them after a tough day and knowing they will try to understand or be there with me. I`ve always been the giver, the one that put everything aside for them, looked after them, stayed despite everything and id lose myself along the way.
I`m not sure that when I was online dating before that my head was really ready, nor was my state of emotions, they had lingering doubts and fears, plus the Ex still hung over me in many ways, but this year has found the old me, the me that was the free spirit inside, but now I am wiser too.
I am ready to try, and hope, and with a more positive attitude, and a site where they have to think enough to pay, (You can see whether they have or not) then maybe, just maybe, I may finally meet someone worth being with! A good man! If not, well it`s another adventure to write about, isn`t it?