Since golden October declined into sombre November.

“Since golden October declined into sombre November / And the apples were gathered and stored, and the land became brown sharp points of death in a waste of water and mud.” T.S. Eliot.

It`s been a while since I last wrote my blog.

Since last writing myself & my Son have had our birthdays. In one way it was lovely, as my Family treated us both to a chinese and a cake. I had a huge amount of guilt though as it was a while before I could give my Son anything for his, due to our money changes recently. He was very good about it but as a Parent guilt is usually our middle name.

Since then my Son had a two-week work trial in the hope of an apprenticeship. We were both up at 6am to do sandwiches, breakfast and for him to catch the early bus. He`s not an early bird, neither of us are really but he made me proud as he was there early every day and not home till after 7 each evening, I was very proud of him. Sadly they didn`t take him on fulltime and he and I were disappointed especially as he had enjoyed the experience.

Still we seem to be slowly getting back to normal now that the car has been returned. At first I felt such a failure, and knowing that was my one and only chance at the grant Id recieved made it all feel so final, but weighing it up, we have to eat and pay the bills.

Since all this went through, it is now being said that next April anyone that has a extra room unless they are over 61 with have to lose a % of their housing benefit and pay for this room. I can see the sence in this as there are alot of families living in cramped conditions. However some of the rules are just daft. for instance if you have two children and have a three bedroom home, you are expected to put the children in one room until they are eleven if it`s a boy and girl and pay for the extra room; pointless!

Most elderly still have their family homes, that are too big and yet this rule doesn`t apply to them. I understand that it is distressing for them to move but many elderly can afford the extra being asked.

Disabled are still expected to pay, despite maybe like me having a purpose built disabled home with wider doors, etc and the extra room came with the building. My own home is near my family and when I moved into it, I at that time had my stepson staying every other weekend, etc. It is just something else to worry about financially.

I am still studying and really enjoying it. I have completed my first TMA with time to tweak and change it before I have to submit it yet. It is especially lovely that both my Sister and I do OU courses and now exchange coursework for each others opinions and chat over them at our mums, it`s been a real extra bonding experience.

My divorce went to court just before Halloween and now all I have to do is the decree absolute and that should be in court in December, meaning I shall be divorced by Christmas. Ironic that it should go to court in October as his child was three in October too, a sweet child that caused me such pain through no fault of theirs. I am looking forward to that final legal paper and starting fresh next year.

I enjoyed the school half term, I once again had my young Nephews while their parents worked and it was good fun, we chatted, painted, played computer games and built things out of boxes. All good fun and so simple and uncomplicated!

I am still doing telephone voluntary work, I do enjoy it though sometimes they can be a little difficult, but that is all part and parcel of it. I attend meets too, with the help of car lifts but haven`t yet persuaded my service users to join me there.

We are nearly at Christmas, and I`ve already started buying little bits and bobs for my nearest and dearest. Budgeting but still buying and looking forward to christmas lunch with my friend.  She has done so amazingly this year with her coming off anti-depressants, and on the final hurdle has had a blip, but i`m hugely proud of her for how far she has come.

Other fair-weather friends have been dropped over the last year, and though I felt slight guilt at the time, I find now I don`t regret my decision as they made no attempt to stay in my life, proving me right. I found two wanted my full attention when their lives were full of trouble and pain, but not there at all for me  when my life turned upside down. The third has left me more than once in difficult situations with other friends with their lack of morals and secrets, leaving me having to keep secrets from other people and feeling disloyal to them. Years ago I would have never have done this and continued being a people pleaser, and so I feel I have come a long way in my inner strength.

I`m missing `Downton abbey` on tele, but loving `The paradise` but am sitting here watching `I`m a celebrity` and rooting for David Haye or Linda Robson whilst they`re in the jungle.

About Maith an cailin

Born in the 1960s, I`m a single Mum of a young adult. I am a full-time wheelchair user, who has been single since a marriage breakdown in 2008. I live in a UK remote village, not easy with a disability but this is a honest account of a ordinary Woman with a disability.
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