It`s been four years, just gone in October that I became single. I did dabble in dating online for a little while, but I knew deep down that I wasn`t really ready. This was partly due to the fact that I was still in contact with my ex, who still played with my emotions by texts, calls or visits.
I used a dating site, as those of you that have read my blog for a while will know. This bought good and bad results, but I came off it a while ago due to my frame of mind, and the odd weirdo that didn`t help. I had the odd date here and there, but it seemed that their only interest was for sex.
I do however miss the closeness of having someone in my life. After four years, it`s only to be expected really, and I don`t feel bad about that, I am only human!
It does amaze me though the expressions on faces when I tell them that id like to have another relationship. I`m never sure if it is because I tell them I use a dating site, or because I am disabled, and they see me as extra vulnerable. In some ways I am, but only physically. I always cover myself there though, by always telling people, meeting in a place I know, and am known and it probably is a good thing I have to rely on lifts.
I have had an eventful life, learnt a lot of harsh lessons the hard way, about myself, men and relationships. There is no better way to learn about yourself, what you do and don`t want in your present, and I can spot certain personality traits miles off. I know my boundaries and am no longer afraid to speak up and lay them out!
I met my Ex Husband on a dating site, and both my Mother and Sister met their Husbands in the lonely hearts columns, so I know it can work, but not instantly. It`s like shopping, you have to check the labels, pick carefully and ignore any bad apples. Recently, I have found that evenings can feel a bit long, albeit I like my own company. My Lad basically runs his own life under my roof and though we eat together, that`s basically it. It`d be nice to have someone to share my day with, or a nice cuddle when i`m tired; the normal things in relationships that when we are in them, we take for granted. I am limited in going out as I live in a small village, can`t drive and I don`t really relish the idea of going out alone, plus here everyone talks about everyone else and so the idea of a local guy doesn`t appeal to be honest. So here I am, I`m recently back on a dating site, and already had some attention. It`s not the be all and end all to me, but I fill some of my evenings chatting. I have a far more relaxed attitude to it now that my ex is completely off the scene, and just chat, and who knows what the future may bring, but if it doesn`t, well I made some new friends! I`m not rushing into anything just for the sake of it. I really don`t think I could ever do that now, I still suffer with `cold feet,` and am almost scared of trying again. I just want to never give up on the idea that one day I may actually meet a genuine nice guy, that will treat me with care & respect.