Always act like you’re wearing an invisible crown.

People are like stained-glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in their true beauty is revealed only if there is light from within.
Elisabeth Kübler-Ross.

Night.

The end of February fast approaches and finally flurries of snow are becoming a thing of the past, and crocuses are showing their tiny coloured heads. The snow gave me no doubt that I have asthma whilst I coughed constantly and reached for my blue inhaler more.

I have finally submitted my next assignment to the open university. The subject was `Attachment` and Harry Harlow and Mary Ainsworth. I had to write a compare and contrast essay, for weeks I was 400 words short in a 1500 essay, but finally I got there.

Harry Harlow began his experiments in a laboratory using Rhesus macaque monkeys.  The wild Rhesus macaques monkeys bought with them disease, and so their babies were taken from their natural Mothers soon after birth. Harlow noticed that the baby rhesus would seem to just give up on life when taken from their mothers or peers, curling into balls motionless, even sometimes dying. Harlow began replacing their natural Mothers with a wire `Mother` and a cloth `Mother` and started to begin to test this attachment. Some baby rhesus would have a cloth `mother` that had a bottle and a wire `Mother` that didn’t, the other half of Rhesus babies had  the same `Mothers` but with the bottle on the wire Mother instead.  Their research showed that the baby Rhesus monkeys preferred to spend up to 17-18 hours with the cloth `Mother` whether she had the feeding bottle or not, only spending an hour a day on the wire `Mother` to feed if need be.

Ainsworth studied human infants, in a more naturalistic environment.  A playroom would be set up, keeping chairs, toys, etc in the same place each time by marking the floor and the experiment would follow:

(1)The Mother and child would enter the room and play awhile.

(2)A stranger would enter the room quietly, after a while engaging in play with the child.

(3)The mother would then leave the room and the stranger would try to pacify the child.

(4)The Mother would re-enter the room and it was the child’s behaviour at that moment that would be studied.

This became known as the `strange situation. `

I have loved this course, I have really enjoyed the history parts, the reasons why and how thoughts have changed towards certain subjects. I have two more parts still to do, one electronic quiz and another TMA. So still studying until May.

Gonna be ok.

My Son is still jobhunting, though he is in a rut sometimes. It can be disheartening when he applies and no reply is received. I worry that the longer he spends time at home the harder it will be to persevere  He can be quite a homebody and he rarely ventures out or outside of his close circle of friends. I can imagine job interviews must be tough, I remember my own at his age. I was out today at a local pub and I get on well with the manager, he took my Sons details for summer employment. Though hopefully something more permanent will come through first.

Afraid to be happy

Today was a lunchtime spent at Mediation and though it was spent with a very nice lady, who explained fully, and helped me push forwards, nothing is final until the decision is made by the courts. As I had already predicted they had had no response from my Ex husband despite two letters, which goes against him, and doesn`t mean it`ll all disappear despite what he may be hoping for. I am not seeking a fortune and I`m  not interested in his pensions, I simply want a small maintenance to enable me to remain in my home once the bedroom tax comes into fruition in April as I wouldn`t have three bedrooms but for my previous life with him and his Son

I was happy that my Ex-stepson sent me a thank you message for his birthday card this month, which I really appreciated. My status online that day read as:

Funny how life can change so fast and so permanent.
Today is my ex-stepsons 17th. When once I was mostly raising two boys for 8 years, to a sudden semi empty home and despite it all, id do it all again; I loved the business of having a family. yes, I was shit on from a great height but I will never regret the boys, even through the hard times and like to think my input will remain a part of who he is today age 17. My Son and him are my greatest achievements and gave me the most smiles. ♥ ♥

Appearances

I am back to internet dating, and have spoken to some nice men, though I have chosen to pay for the privilege as the free site was full of eagets! There are still some on this one, but not half as many because they too have to pay which makes them think twice no doubt. One was a peculiar sort, old fashioned and obviously trying too hard not to be pervy or trying too hard to be romantic, I couldn`t decide, judge for yourself:

(You have to start at the bottom………………..)

You`re moving a little fast for me tbh.                                                                                                                                                                                        (me)

no i wasnt asking that, i was asking if i could kiss you,hold you and lust after you, not just sex…thats not what long for

(Him)

I am perfectly able to have sex as that is what you are asking.

I knew it was going to lead that way…………..
(Me)

how much energy do you have for an admirer?

slowly kiss with passion and extremely good feelings and desires that is your mind

because i think you would alot of energy to dispel on to a loving admirer xx
(Him)

Really? Whys that then?
(Me)

thats ok , always keen to kiss a vegatarian
(Him)

I haven`t eaten mammals since I was 21.                                                                                       (Me)

yes very good also do puddings
(Him)

Are you good at cooking?
(Me)

pity i cant cook for you one day x
(Him)

I`m good thanks. Just been busy with Family, Animals and cooking, lol
(Me)

how are you?

just hoping to hug u slowly x
(Him)

Hiya. What was that slowly mmmmmm mmmmmmm about? lo
(Me)

hello x
(Him)

slowly mmmmm mmmm x
(Him)

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm?
(Me)

mmmm ok
(Him)

He would be so precise in his detail that it became like a manual for romance, such as “Should I kiss you on the left or right cheek when we meet?” I found it all a bit creepy and quite the opposite from romantic, lol.

(Y) if you`re single

I had a lovely lunch out with my Friend and her Son this half term. Her poor Son was full of cold bless him but enjoyed the music player on the pub wall. I was disappointed not to be able to take my Nephew as he was grounded again after fighting with his brother. I don`t get to spend a lot of time with him during term time as he is in school when I see his little brother so I look forward to treating him to lunch like I had when he was pre-school. He is growing u so fast now and before we know it he`ll be at High school! It was lovely catching up with my friend, there`s always so much to chat about.

I have been refused by my Housing for a wet room to replace the bath that I struggle with.

No word from the Hospital in Stanmore yet, still waiting on that letter, but watch this space……………

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About Maith an cailin

Born in the 1960s, I`m a single Mum of a young adult. I am a full-time wheelchair user, who has been single since a marriage breakdown in 2008. I live in a UK remote village, not easy with a disability but this is a honest account of a ordinary Woman with a disability.
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