“If you do what you have always done, you will get what you have always got”
Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.
Thomas Edison, inventor.
On the 5th of June I went off to the Zoo! Now Zoos for me are a mixed blessing, as I am a great believer in being born free but I also understand that they do a lot for conservation. Sadly, I also accept that one day the only place we may see a `wild` animal will be in a Zoo, due to hunting of all kinds, and environments being destroyed. I didn`t like to see some animals alone as I believe we all need someone of our own kind to be whole, whether that be family, friend or mate. I have always been a animal rights type girl and have never believed they are ours to use, abuse or disrespect. I did enjoy my day though, I love being close to animals, big, small, fur, feather, scales or otherwise, and it was just what I needed after feeling down previously and really helped to bring me back to balance.
It`s the 7th June and I`ve been studying for my next course, Counselling: Sadness and Fear. I am enjoying the subject, just not so much the set out as it`s a bit all over the show. It`s been a tough slog to get all the research to read, watch and listen to and then put it in some order, follow that by typing it up and hoping it`ll make any sense! I have less than a week now to type it up, tweek it and hope it`s worth the 25% towards this course. This one finishes in October, so there will be more to do after this TMA.
Come October I then start level two psychology, and so that`ll keep me busy over winter!
Today I had a three hour chat on the phone with a potential date! He was sweet, shy, with old fashioned values and admitted that he was a little unsure about my being disabled when he meets me, and that was refreshing. You may think that odd, but time and time again people say it doesn`t bother them at all, but you can tell by the questions they ask that they have quibbles really. So the fact this guy admitted he wasn`t sure was actually nice because then we could be open and talk about it, which we did! After almost three hours he said I sounded just like anyone else and he was really looking forward to meeting me, as am I him.
So hopefully it will go well and it`ll be the start of something nice, a relationship without drama is all I want and a good, kind man.
14th of June and I`m back!
The date should have been today, but he`s very tired after a week on nights but is off next week. The fact he waited until the actual day to tell me he wasn`t coming just made me roll my eyes, and then think `here we go again;` So we`ll see but I am not holding my breathe or going to have any sleepless nights over it, lol.
My Lad is away this weekend and though I love him dearly, I enjoy these times. I like to just potter about in peace and serenity and re-charge my batteries. The home gets cleaned and it stays that way, and my front door isn`t like a turnstile at Euston station. It`s nothing exciting, just tranquility for a while.
Tomorrow I have my young Nephew coming round for a little while, he`s nine and easy going company. We`re very close as I was his childminder for the first 5yrs of his life. He`s already put in a order for macaroni cheese and a custard pot, lol
I find it totally fascinating that I get online messages from total strangers from far flung places and they want to be my boyfriend or Husband! What goes through their mind that they think you would just be so bowled over that you`d invite someone you know nothing about into your life? (Yes, I online date and it sounds like a contradiction I know but it`s not random, out of no-where, more controlled.) I may be a over cautious cynic, but they could be anyone, with any hidden agenda and even dangerous, who actually knows? I find the over flattery immediately makes me question their motives, and the fact they seem to believe you are desperate for someone for what ever reason. I also notice if you look at their profiles that some of them collect disabled people like ornaments (They are usually able bodied themselves 98% of the time.) and are on disabled sites. This points at two things, one they seek out what they feel will be the vulnerable, and two they are most likely disability devotees. I have no money, so they`d be well out of luck there, I don`t wish to date someone that is only attracted to my disability and I am not about to accept any man, I want the right man!
Part of my present coursework features Stephen Fry, a man I greatly respect, not only for his acting skills but also for his openness about living with Bi-polar disorder, and his great struggles with it at times: “I am the victim of my own moods, more than most people are perhaps, in as much as I have a condition which requires me to take medication so that I don’t get either too hyper or too depressed to the point of suicide.” The actor and comedian attempted suicide after walking out of the West End play called `Cell Mates` in 1995 – an event I watched on a DVD I recently bought, a documentary for BBC Two called` The Secret Life of the Manic Depressive. ` I was hugely saddened to read that last year, whilst filming abroad he tried to take his own life again. He is president of the Charity `Mind,` and I truly believe his talking about his own ups and downs can only go on to help others. I really wish him well, x