“As long as we continue to think we will be happy in the future, we will never be happy in the moment, and that is the same as saying that we will never be happy. If we think that our lives will be better when we get that better job or retire, stay or go, gain or lose weight, or when our children grow and leave or come back, we are putting off the happiness that there is in today.”
It`s been a while again since I was last here and writing this, and maybe that`s a good thing as I`ve not felt the need to pour out any inner feelings but instead have filled my time and life with living.
I`ve been busy with family life in some ways, as it`s been the summer holidays here in the UK. I have had my two Nephews over at mine more, sometimes as their parents (My Sister & her Husband) are out or working and sometimes just because they want to come over to mine. At under ten they are great company and we just enjoy the simple things in life, like drawing, painting, making things or looking for wildlife in the garden. Then to my total excitement and joy I had a quick message to say that my younger brother and his family were planning a surprise visit! They were only here for a few days but I loved every single chaotic, sometimes exhausting second with each and every one of them! Three boys under ten, together with some days the other two boys also under ten and it was loud, fun and loving!
My little brother and his Ex are a inspiration on how to stay friends and work together for the sake of your children and they do it perfectly, and their boys grow with their shared devotion to them. We all have Irish blood and Gra/love, Dilseacht/loyalty, Cairdeas/friendship seems to come naturally to us in some ways. I was quite lost for a few days when they went back, it was too quiet, too still and I loved catching up with what sort of little people my Nephews we’re growing into.
My Son also loved having them here, particularly as it is his favourite Aunt and Uncle, and his shared logical thinking made him a hero to his little cousin who also shares his ADHD. My Son loves the company of this half of Family as they share his honest outgoing personality and he is extremely loyal to them in his love for them.
I think is was sometimes hard for the little ones, (My maternal Sisters two and Paternal brothers three) to understand how they fitted together, were they cousins or not and if not, how could my Son be a cousin to all of them even though they weren`t to each other? It`s not made any easier by the fact that my Brother and I didn`t know each other, or even about each other as children, but found out about each other as adults when I was already a parent myself. We have since found out about other half siblings that our Father has produced in the past and since, but we won`t be able to meet, which is a shame. We accept our Father as the wandering spirit he is, but some of his decisions and lifestyle affects the children he has left behind a long the way, there is no doubt about that, and in turn the children we have too.
I never see half brothers, or half sisters, they are all as much my brother and Sister to me as much as my full Brother is that I share both parents with, and strangely I have better relationships with them. The brother I grew up with, shared a bedroom with, are awkward around each other and conversation is difficult, which is a result of our childhood I think. He was mostly raised by our Grandparents because he had no Father around to guide him.
As well as having Family around me, I have been busy finishing a couple of essays for my course. The first essay resulted in a bare pass, which really rocked me at first but as people tell me, a pass is a pass! The next essay was to write about a fictitious client, about their sociocultural issues and how I would client them. I found the essay itself easier to write as it was freestyle but getting the rest together was a challenge but I am quietly hopeful that I did better than last time.
I have had a turn about and change of people that I volunteer with and so having to get to know new people and a new challenge of schizophrenia that one suffers with.
I had a card in the post a few weeks back. It was from an old friend that I had cut contact with a while ago. Over the years we had fallen out, made up, fallen out, made up, ever since our teens. I had given it a lot of thought about replying to the card but decided that I am in a different place now, and in some ways I am a different person, but also returned to the girl I was before marriage. I replied last week and filled her in on my life now. Then I had a morning call at 10:30am and we chatted on till 1pm. Her life had changed a great deal, and yet here we were, both the same people we were long before Husbands and Children, just now with Ex-Husbands and young adult children, and both of us learnt humility.
I am so very fortunate really as I have kept a great many friends, both from School, College and life a long the way, and I feel incredibly blessed in that, and hope it says something about me as a friend in return.
Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art… It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things that give value to survival.