Well here we are, it`s the end of May almost, where does the time go? It`s been a busy month, one thing after another but all a step in the right direction, which is a lovely change.
May started with my Son going for a job interview on the 1st. He was nervous but determined and did really well in his interview. He got the job! On the first day at work he returned home looking shell shocked, and was convinced he couldn`t do it and would be sacked. The second day he had had a better day, and each day since has been better. He always returns like a coiled spring after having to keep a lid on his ADHD all day, and is difficult to appease for a while and best to avoid until he has let off some steam.
With his ADHD he finds the paperwork the hardest to contend with, as he struggles with his writing, it`s still large and childlike. He suffers with inconsistency and can`t multi-task, he thrives best on logic and pre-planning long before, as he forgets things easily and gets so stressed. He struggles to stay focused, he can flip from being too easy to distract to totally engrossed to the point he can`t be distracted. He used to be totally disorganized, but has now become almost over organized, to the point he tries to organize me! He`s always been forgetful, something people thought was a over used excuse for getting out of things, but now he`s learnt to pre-plan he`s miles better. He can still be impulsive, to the exclusion of others feelings and it can make him seem a little odd to some people but I admire his free spirit. To him small frustrations or things going wrong are huge, and his mood swings and depression can often be a result of that. What to me is a small problem, is to him the end of the world; I hope he can put this in perspective at work. His anxiety has lead him in the past to him avoiding school, and other places he needed to be, and this is my fear about work, so I try to tread carefully. He has already been sick one morning before work, but seemed to overcome that and return the next day and since. ADHD in my Son and many others can often mean they talk over you, get bored with the conversation and not really listening to another persons viewpoint, this can come over as rude, arrogant, insensitive and uncaring, and this can leave a negative response in relationships in all areas. He`s always had bad sleep patterns, which leave him looking tired. He suffers with psoriasis but has to my relief calmed down on drinking too much, but still smokes. People talk of ADHD with children all the time, but it`s often forgotten that it doesn`t just disappear when you grow up, that it`s still a daily struggle to overcome; As an adult you enter new and overwhelming situations alone and have to learn a way to cope with each new situation. As a parent of a young adult with ADHD I do still struggle to juggle my own life and problems, and try not take on all his too, because it would be easier than contending with his moods, mess and the guilt id feel if things go wrong for him. However saying that, I have been taking a more hands off approach over the last year as he does have to learn to get up without me being the alarm clock, he does have to learn to make sure his clothes are washed, dry and ready the next morning without rushing round like a headless chicken and missing the bus, and them blaming me! He has now learnt these skills and I`m proud of him, but I don`t think it`s me that needs to be thanked, no, I think the real star is his girlfriend of five years, who is organized, mature and his conscience and voice of reason. Things at home haven`t helped my Sons first few weeks at work as we have the builders in. Disability adaptation improvements mean that we have been unable to eat or wash at home and are having to do these at my Mothers. My Son has never coped well with too much change and the disruption has lead to disagreements between us as we are both stressed and tired.
So floors can`t be walked/wheeled on, the living room is crammed and we`re unable to use it, no running water for two or three days or cooking facilities, just the toilet and no more. However as it`s coming together, I am excited at seeing the end result! Though we have a few more days next week to cope with the upheaval and the dog looking very confused at why she can`t find the sofa to sit on, lol.
The end results will be worth it, a workable, low level kitchen where I`ll be able to reach all the plugs. No more trying to manoeuvre unsafely between wheelchair to bath seat, but instead change from wheelchair to shower wheelchair and into wet room shower! Life will be safer and easier! One of the consequences of having no workable home to go to has meant going to my Mums early in the morning till about 9pm and then just going to bed! The early nights are well needed and good for me, however `going home` so to speak has been a challenge for us all! Mum is in her 70`s, she has her ways of doing things and a timetable of when she eats, etc; I`m in my 40`s and left home a long time ago and I too have learnt ways of doing things, so compromise has been needed in bucket loads! (I`ve had a guide of what, who and how each and every soap opera is going) Mostly it`s worked well, but is a challenge, especially for my Son who is used to coming, going, eating as and when it suits him. Mum`s been a star though as we`ve taken over her home and disrupted her routines, added our belongings and added to her workload and done things differently when we clear up after ourselves. Thanks Mum, xx
My last psych course has come to an end and to be honest I`m relieved that it ended just prior to the building work as Id never have juggled both. The course was good, and I love the subject still, but I still struggle with the writing format for each essay, especially evaluation essays. I think I need to do a access course on the basics before moving onto the next round of level 3 psych or i`m bound to fail as it`ll be a more intense course and I can`t afford to fail now as I`ve passed all the way a long so far. I have a exam due on the 3rd of June but I`ve asked my support team if it can be moved a head as I haven`t had the time to revise between my last course with the builders etc or time to get the room ready for the examiner and I`m getting very stressed about it all, my head just feels full to the brim with way too many things.
As I said in my last blog I have re-connected with one or two old friends from my past, partly reluctantly at first but after speaking to them both on the phone I am glad that I have. With one of them it raised past issues that at the age of 21 was very painful and included my first miscarriage. It was nice to chat, reminisce and remember some of the good times that had been clouded. The friend has had a roller-coaster of a life and now suffers with a mental health issue, but I`m glad to hear that she`s now found happiness, a good man and her children.
I do count myself incredibly fortunate for the fact that though my friends are scattered around the country, that they remain close friends that I can pick up the phone to and recall good times, and share present good and hard times with. We have shared the ups and downs of relationships, breakups, parenthood and with some the ups and downs of disability. One friend has been my friend since school and she drove here for my Sons` 18th birthday and on my last call we spoke for over two hours, which is average for us! Friends from college, and my study times when I enjoyed the freedom of my early 20s and so on till the present day. The friends I’ve made since having my Son that have understood all that parenthood and PND throws at us as women still remain my network to turn to when I need support and I truly value that.
Before I end this blog, I just want to end it with a remarkable young man, only two years younger than my own Son and who left a huge inspirational mark on our hearts, Stephen Sutton.
This amazing young man, only 19yrs old has raised a whopping £3,943,272.70 raised of £1,000,000.00 target170,442 donations for the teenage cancer fund.Please read his incredible story and bravery from the age of 15 until he lost his battle this month, but most of all be inspired by his ability to think of others when others in his position wouldn`t be able to.Stephen Sutton – 16/12/1994 – 14/05/2014Rest In Peace