How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you were? ~Satchel Paige.

Middle aged in the 60s

 

I`ve got a birthday coming up soon, and to be fair it`s one that i`m not happy about. 😦

Older 4

 

The problem isn`t even with me really. Id be happy to have JUST ANOTHER BIRTHDAY, but it`s been other people! What is so amusing about reminding people that they are getting old and reminding them with numbered items and giggles? I just don`t get it. Older

To me, I don`t feel any different, and am still as immature as ever. I wear converse boots and my bedroom looks like a teenager inhabits it. (I`m single, lol) To me I look like this: Disabled anime To everyone else I probably look like this!: Middle ages   I don`t think about age, people are people to me, and it doesn`t bother me what number I reach. However what scares me are societies attributions and how other see me. Suddenly I am thinking stuff like, “Should I buy/wear this?” and wondering if i`ll look stupid in the eyes of others. Middle aged

I`ve considered having a grown-up bedroom, instead of Victoria Frances posters on my wall, even though I admire her work. Victoria Frances red-basque victoria_frances-_vampire victoria-frances-poster

 

I`ve dyed my hair since I was 17, all shades under the sun but now I`m down-toning because `I think I ought to` and then wondering what that`s all about? Older 3

In Erik Eriksons`s 8 stages of psycholical development I am now at the stage where I`m thinking `Can I make my life count?` and this is the 7th part:  

Generativity vs. Stagnation

During middle adulthood (ages 40 to 65), we establish our careers, settle down within a relationship, begin our own families and develop a sense of being a part of the bigger picture.

We give back to society through raising our children, being productive at work, and becoming involved in community activities and organizations.

By failing to achieve these objectives, we become stagnant and feel unproductive. Success in this stage will lead to the virtue of care.

Middle-age (1)

I feel a sense Of what have I achieved; I have to remind myself that I have actually lived a very full life, particularly for a disabled person. When I look back I have lived life to the max at times and wonder how I am still here. Despite only 7% of able bodied people dating the disabled I have been married twice, had lovers/relationships in-between, raised a child and lived in more places than many able bodied people. Often it is the social model of disability that is the problem, not the disability itself. Disability ac_invacar2 I remember as a child being told that when I was older I could have these ugly looking three wheeler cars that were renowned for being `disabled cars.` There was one parked at the end of our road, my Nan would always remark on it like it was a treat, and inside I would shrivvel like a slug at the thought.  All I wanted was the MG Midget parked in the same road! Princess

To me, I was just the same as everyone else, but instead of being made to feel like a Princess I was made to feel like an outcast that should be grateful when I was offered what everyone else ‘took for granted. It was these attributions that turned me into a Gráinne Mhaol! middle-age with doris day

So here I am reaching this milestone of numbers, which reminds me of where I`ve been and what i`m left with and i think that may also be part of the problemtoo.

tv_eyeshield_21

My Son also has a milestone birthday, he`ll be 21. He`s still into his gaming, his manga and his skateboard, but is also talking of moving out next year to live with his Girlfriend of six years.

21

 

He`ll be embarking on a new life, be independent and moving on with his job that he still loves and once and for all 98% of my job will be done, but what of me? For the last 21 years my life was dedicated mostly to fighting for, raising and providing for this loud, rapidly growing human being that often reminded me of myself but was also very much themselves.

Empty nest 2

 

I recently took in tow young cats, should I be worried? emptynest I enjoy my own company, but to find myself facing a milestone year, only goes to remind you that you scroll further down each time you fill in a form; putting your age on dating sites is compulsory; your parents wont live forever; your children will leave home and then they`ll only be me. So again, why do people think it`s a good idea to know how old we are? 
Purple and old WarningPurple

 

Warning!

  • When I am an old woman I shall wear purple
  • With a red hat which doesn’t go, and doesn’t suit me.
  • And I shall spend my pension on brandy and summer gloves
    And satin sandals, and say we’ve no money for butter.
    I shall sit down on the pavement when I’m tired
    And gobble up samples in shops and press alarm bells
    And run my stick along the public railings
    And make up for the sobriety of my youth.
    I shall go out in my slippers in the rain
    And pick flowers in other people’s gardens
    And learn to spit.
  • You can wear terrible shirts and grow more fat
    And eat three pounds of sausages at a go
    Or only bread and pickle for a week
    And hoard pens and pencils and beermats and things in boxes.
  • But now we must have clothes that keep us dry
    And pay our rent and not swear in the street
    And set a good example for the children.
    We must have friends to dinner and read the papers.
  • But maybe I ought to practice a little now?
    So people who know me are not too shocked and surprised
    When suddenly I am old, and start to wear purple.

Old ladies in the nursing home

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About Maith an cailin

Born in the 1960s, I`m a single Mum of a young adult. I am a full-time wheelchair user, who has been single since a marriage breakdown in 2008. I live in a UK remote village, not easy with a disability but this is a honest account of a ordinary Woman with a disability.
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One Response to How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you were? ~Satchel Paige.

  1. sophie says:

    Love this, captured all I feel right now, age is such a weird thing to define us all, sometimes it feels a bit like I imagine being transgender would, I KNOW inside Im still 19 in many ways,and yet I catch glimpses that scare and take me by surprise in the mirror, a woman of 44, I want to shout “thats not me, listen to the shite I spout, and you will see I am still 19 !”

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