I`ve got a birthday coming up soon, and to be fair it`s one that i`m not happy about. 😦
The problem isn`t even with me really. Id be happy to have JUST ANOTHER BIRTHDAY, but it`s been other people! What is so amusing about reminding people that they are getting old and reminding them with numbered items and giggles? I just don`t get it.
To me, I don`t feel any different, and am still as immature as ever. I wear converse boots and my bedroom looks like a teenager inhabits it. (I`m single, lol) To me I look like this: To everyone else I probably look like this!: I don`t think about age, people are people to me, and it doesn`t bother me what number I reach. However what scares me are societies attributions and how other see me. Suddenly I am thinking stuff like, “Should I buy/wear this?” and wondering if i`ll look stupid in the eyes of others.
Generativity vs. Stagnation
During middle adulthood (ages 40 to 65), we establish our careers, settle down within a relationship, begin our own families and develop a sense of being a part of the bigger picture.
We give back to society through raising our children, being productive at work, and becoming involved in community activities and organizations.
By failing to achieve these objectives, we become stagnant and feel unproductive. Success in this stage will lead to the virtue of care.
I feel a sense Of what have I achieved; I have to remind myself that I have actually lived a very full life, particularly for a disabled person. When I look back I have lived life to the max at times and wonder how I am still here. Despite only 7% of able bodied people dating the disabled I have been married twice, had lovers/relationships in-between, raised a child and lived in more places than many able bodied people. Often it is the social model of disability that is the problem, not the disability itself. I remember as a child being told that when I was older I could have these ugly looking three wheeler cars that were renowned for being `disabled cars.` There was one parked at the end of our road, my Nan would always remark on it like it was a treat, and inside I would shrivvel like a slug at the thought. All I wanted was the MG Midget parked in the same road!
To me, I was just the same as everyone else, but instead of being made to feel like a Princess I was made to feel like an outcast that should be grateful when I was offered what everyone else ‘took for granted. It was these attributions that turned me into a Gráinne Mhaol!
So here I am reaching this milestone of numbers, which reminds me of where I`ve been and what i`m left with and i think that may also be part of the problemtoo.
My Son also has a milestone birthday, he`ll be 21. He`s still into his gaming, his manga and his skateboard, but is also talking of moving out next year to live with his Girlfriend of six years.
He`ll be embarking on a new life, be independent and moving on with his job that he still loves and once and for all 98% of my job will be done, but what of me? For the last 21 years my life was dedicated mostly to fighting for, raising and providing for this loud, rapidly growing human being that often reminded me of myself but was also very much themselves.
I recently took in tow young cats, should I be worried? I enjoy my own company, but to find myself facing a milestone year, only goes to remind you that you scroll further down each time you fill in a form; putting your age on dating sites is compulsory; your parents wont live forever; your children will leave home and then they`ll only be me. So again, why do people think it`s a good idea to know how old we are?
- When I am an old woman I shall wear purple
- With a red hat which doesn’t go, and doesn’t suit me.
- And I shall spend my pension on brandy and summer gloves
And satin sandals, and say we’ve no money for butter.
I shall sit down on the pavement when I’m tired
And gobble up samples in shops and press alarm bells
And run my stick along the public railings
And make up for the sobriety of my youth.
I shall go out in my slippers in the rain
And pick flowers in other people’s gardens
And learn to spit.
- You can wear terrible shirts and grow more fat
And eat three pounds of sausages at a go
Or only bread and pickle for a week
And hoard pens and pencils and beermats and things in boxes.
- But now we must have clothes that keep us dry
And pay our rent and not swear in the street
And set a good example for the children.
We must have friends to dinner and read the papers.
- But maybe I ought to practice a little now?
So people who know me are not too shocked and surprised
When suddenly I am old, and start to wear purple.