The year’s at the spring And day’s at the morn; Morning’s at seven; The hillside’s dew-pearled; The lark’s on the wing; The snail’s on the thorn; God’s in His heaven – All’s right with the world! ~Robert Browning. So here we are in March already. I don`t normally mind winter too much as I feel it`s cosy but for some reason the last one felt sort of lonely, despite often having a house full. I have not been able to get out as when the support group lost it`s funding and folded, I then also lost the group meetings, the lifts to get there and my own befriender to get out. I have seen a few of the friends I made a couple of times but from where I live the travel costs will be pricey, and I need to have the money, but it will have to be sacrificed elsewhere. I need to juggle socialising or decorating?
I am so blessed though with the friends I have though as they make time and effort to be there and help me get out as and when they can, and I truly appreciate and thank them.
I`ve had this hacking cough and sinus like glue for weeks now, it`s taking forever to shift and makes sleeping hard. It sounds like i`m full of cold as i`m so nasally and my cough sounds chesty when i`m not, it`s all in my nose & throat, so frustrating!
I have wondered if it may be an allergy, especially as I took in two cats last year, but I don`t know and I`d not get rid of them now anyway.
At last the sunshine is returning, it will soon be Ostara, though I don`t tend to always celebrate this one as I`m Celtic, but it`s a beautiful time of year. I love to see the first flush of Bluebells, bulbs and buds starting to show, the birds return in song and the bitter cold is starting to turn warmer.
So here we go again, I`m now having another break from online dating. I`d been chatting to a guy from the next county for months as friends, and to his credit he has never lead me to believe there would be anything more. he`s always been careful to not even put a x at the end of sentences. However we talked about our homes, family, outings, etc and get on so well, secretly I hoped things would move on slowly once he got to know me. I told him about a very local event to me that I thought he`d be interested in, and told him it was `at my local.` I hoped he`d suggest meeting up, but he didn`t. He attended the event, with friends, leaving me feeling stupid for being disappointed at a man I don`t even really know!
I was also chatting to another Guy over a couple of hours away, and again we got on so well, he seemed open and genuine, but when push comes to shuv he seemed to cool off and I was left feeling disappointed. So it`s time to back away, it`s been deleted from my mobile, it`s time to give myself a break.
However to balance things out, I too have had to let people down. The most recent was a rather overweight man who had depression and self esteem problems that wanted me to get on a train to meet him. I had another guy that wanted to move straight in with me if we got on if we had a date. There have been those that I felt too old. Those I didn`t feel we had anything in common with. I am a sapiophile, I like someone that I can have a good conversation with, and so when all they message or text me repeatedly is `U ok?` they have to go, harsh as that sounds.
As for the studying, it`s come to a full stop, as I appealed to the OU, but they insist I don`t have the time to finish the degree by 2017. I can start again in 2017 and do the full five years again if I get financial support awarded, but we`ll see when the time comes. Despite saying I didn`t have time, they kept saying I could continue with a loan, that confused me as if I don`t have time, how will that make any difference?
On a final note, I have been accepted to become a `No panic` helpline volunteer, which I am happy about as I miss being a telephone befriender and can put to good use the counselling and psychology I have learnt in the last three years.