Autumn is a second spring when every leaf is a flower. Albert Camus

autumn_47  Here we all in Autumn, October to be precise and already the sky is grey, rain falls and there`s a slight dip in temperature.  However, I like Autumn, I like this time of year, in fact it`s my favourite part of year. It`s cosy, homely, and full of family occasions. I love the ritual of battening down the hatches against the oncoming inclement weather, drawing the curtains, flicking the lamps on,  switching on the heating and cosying down with family or pets. (For added affect a sofa blanket)

I love watching the changing colours in the garden, my fruit trees hanging with their harvest ready for the picking, rain racing down the window panes and the odd springlike day where to venture out is to see spider webs hung with droplets like jewels.October keep-calm-and-be-born-in-october-1

We had the amazing combination of the full blood moon and moon eclipse last week. My Son and I got up in the early hours to see it, and though distant, it was well worth seeing. The full moon was the brightest I can remember for a while and seeing it red in eclipse was fascinating.

BloodMoon1

Life in general has picked up, mostly due to me being more committed to it.Life

I joined the WI. My first evening was nice, everyone made me feel welcome but i`m not certain that it`s my thing, it wasn`t really me in many ways. All very stiff upper lipped English in some ways, lots of minutes read out and a wealthy farmer doing a 45 minute talk, though it was interesting in places. I`ll try again as the night I went it was 100 years of the WI; they sang Jerusalem, etc. I`m undecided as of yet, so we`ll see.

Poetry evening

I also went to a poetry evening the night after and it was far more my scene. Set in a beautifully set out pub, and warm, friendly people with a creative flair and a love of poetry. They read Seamus Heaney, Robert Burns, Prudence Strong, etc. I didn`t know if you wrote your own or took others, so I took two of mine, and one went down so well that a Lady asked to keep it for her teacher daughters creative writing class!

A Show to accomplish.

Putting on your war paint 

Anticipation, trepidation.

Massaged away by sprays,

showered along thoughts,

directions bouncing blindly.

A reflection, older, tired,

Stares a return so silent.

Coconut wafts applied,

Lifelines softened glow.

The colour tray opened,

Descriptive names adjusted;

Layers of confidence created,

Insecurities  covered.

Slow, steady sweeps,

The mask builds a persona.

Liner lines defined,

War paint of strength.

Reflection returns,

A character re-created.

Ready to advance forward,

Face fears and conquer,

Celtic Warrior woman,

A show to accomplish.

 

SA K-(C)-June 2012.

poetry

After the poetry class we sat and had a drink and a chat, the people I mixed with were interesting and the conversations diverse and I really enjoyed their company.

The only disappointment was the toilets, there was no disability toilets and the Ladies was too narrow and too long a distance from the door-frame to the toilet for me to get to. I`ll just have to remember not to drink. Sadly I can`t get to the next one as the friend that drove me will be in Scotland.

A wheelchair doesn`t make someone less of a person

I`ve met up with a few fellas recently, not necessarily dating, but being brave and meeting those i`ve been chatting to on-line. One guy I met in person two years ago and we had stayed in touch but not met up again for various reasons, so we had a pizza night and chatted.

One guy is also just a friend but has a fascinating life story that we get on famously as friends, we`ve met up once and we`ll be meeting up again soon as our birthdays are close together.

Kiss me frog

I did meet a couple as potential dates but the first one, I met the first time and he was on his best behaviour but wanted to return the same day but I put him off. The second time he came round he virtually pounced on me and wanted sex there and then, on my sofa, with my Son in the building! I never saw him again after making it very clear that wasn`t on the agenda!

The other guy was great in writing………..enough said; he didn`t live up to my expectations, especially when he said he was looking for someone to move in with and I was too far from his kids! (I am NOT looking for someone to live with!)

One I never wanted to meet was the bloke that wanted to pay me to clean for me……………..NAKED! lol

Naked cleaning (Not the said man, lol)

canine-partners

Back in May I went off for an assessment with Canine Partners to Midhurst in West Sussex. I went down the day before with a friend and stayed in a lodge. We drove round a while, had a lovely lunch out where I had a gorgeous potato and onion pie.

Canine partner Doyle-collects-money

The next day was intensive but I loved being around the dogs, which was totally different from having a pet dog;  it was constant training with dogs that were old pros at it all. I had had to borrow an electric wheelchair, it was miles too big and I wasn`t used to it but I struggled through. (I don`t drive and didn`t have time to organise how to get mine there.)

canine-partners milk

Disappointingly I had a call yesterday from one of the dog trainers. She had just read the write up from the occupational therapist who came out to my home. While the OT was here I had asked if I would get a black mark against me for not being able to walk the dog myself in the bitter winter times, as I have asthma brought on by weather? She said she didn`t think so, and asked who would walk the dog instead. However the call yesterday wasn`t hopeful as they fear the dogs loyalty to me,  if someone else walks it. I personally don`t think this would be the case after having many dogs over the years, I respect though that they have to get it right, as these dogs cost thousands to train etc. So the decision will be made at a meeting next week and I can put my case if I wish to add anything.

Stairs

I never used to mind being disabled, I still don`t mostly, but since being in a wheelchair full-time over the last 21 years my view of life changed. I immediately felt much more at the mercy of others, and to me this dog thing is yet another blow. People assume we have it easy, we don`t, I have always felt that I have had to fight for everything, lower kitchens, a wet room, benefits, etc, and where obstacles could be placed they were, by the system. The motability made learning to drive an ongoing battle, then steered it towards making me look like I was being the awkward one when I complained. Now this with the dog is another disappointment; surely other disabled people can`t walk their dog every day as most disabilities fluctuate health wise?

Being disabled stairs

My Son is still job-hunting. His being home 24/7 I find really difficult as I like my own space and we live in a bungelow. He never has money to go out, and so is constantly here. His job-hunting is impeded by bus times as he relies on them, and they stop at 6:30pm and then start again around 7:30am. He has been offered interviews but wasn`t even able to make them due to bus times or routes that would have cost him more than he would have earned in wages. The joys of living in a village 7 miles from the nearest town!

complains1

I find him difficult to live with at times as he complains  a lot. I know he`s probably not content with his lot at the moment, but constantly picking me up on how I do things or the things I haven`t done doesn`t help either of us!

grumpy-life

When we`re not at loggerheads it`s lovely, we have the same sense of humour and some same interests, and those times are a relief from the oppression of his constant criticisms, where Id rather be anywhere else but here. It`s his intolerance and impatience that lets him down, his lack of real life experiences, but he thinks he knows more than I do, as young people do. When he`s lovely, he`s lovely, intelligent, happy, and a joy to be around, so lets hope he`s back in a job soon, for both our sakes!

Yamaha

He`s after getting a bike to help him jobs-wise, and being a typical Mother I have already run through every disaster scenario going.  I know it has to be done, as there`s no way he could afford a car, let alone the insurance. I do feel for him at times. We live in quite a affluent area, but we are not a wealthy family and our family arn`t all on hand to step in and help as they are scattered round the country. His Father hasn`t even sent him a birthday card since he returned to me aged 13, and so he doesn`t have parental help in masculine things.

Decorating

Monday the decorating starts in my kitchen and bathroom and finally It will be finished and done! No more looking at tatty walls and patches were cupboards used to be.

Happy birthday to me

Next week is my birthday, so happy birthday to me!

 pregnancyinfantlossawarenessmonth

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About Maith an cailin

Born in the 1960s, I`m a single Mum of a young adult. I am a full-time wheelchair user, who has been single since a marriage breakdown in 2008. I live in a UK remote village, not easy with a disability but this is a honest account of a ordinary Woman with a disability.
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