Since my friend passing last Friday, it`s been on my mind a lot. I have lost four friends over the last two years, three of which passed this year, and it`s always different and never gets any easier.
We would all like to imagine someone we care about passing surrounded by loved ones and without fear or pain, sadly that isn`t always the case. One friend passed in Frankie & Benny’s, in the presence of her Husband and Son. Another woke suddenly paralysed and unable to speak and went a few weeks later with her Husband and Son still dreading their first Christmas without her; both only my own age and still missed by me.
My Ex-Husband had been a funeral director for a while, and although at first I was a bit horrified by it, after a while it made death seem less of an issue. It no longer became a taboo subject in our home and the mystery almost gone.
As we age there`s almost an acceptance, and a coming to terms with death. Though as a Child my Granddad told me he wanted to go to sleep and never wake up, I was scared to go to sleep for weeks! Attending a disabled `Special` school meant that death was common and at one point I did become very frightened and wonder if I was next, because no-one ever explained; of course after a point you begin to realise. At my Son`s age, I never gave it much thought, like him, I was `Indestructible.`
There`s almost a comfort in losing friends and family, because you know they`ll be there to meet you when your turn comes. Though the pain of never seeing them, talking to them and the hole they leave can never be re-filled.
With the fear of the unknown we all have our own belief systems to cope, mine is the Summerlands. In the Summerlands our souls wait in a place not good, nor bad but beautiful, until our souls are ready to return in another form; Our Tir na nOg. Here I hope to be reunited with all those I have loved and missed, including meeting my Angel babies.
However, when you think of a friend all alone and you don`t know the full circumstances, it becomes a little harder to accept. You can`t help but wonder if they suffered, or were they scared; how long they lay there unknown or what actually happened; would it help to even know? He was only 38 no age at all to be taken so soon. Id known him a few years, and like me we chatted over our menageries by text. We used to meet up with friends for monthly coffee mornings and when they stopped we stayed in touch and still met up with a handful of friends, another we had lost this year. I had taken in two of his cats when he became unwell and he was always so grateful. He was a sweet friend and I will miss him a great deal.