I haven’t mentioned dating recently in my blog, mainly because it hasn’t featured highly on my Richter scale, I have been too busy becoming part of my community and decorating my home room by room. Trying to meet Mr Perfect for me has been put to the back of the queue.
I have thought more about it recently, as the summer months are full of pictures of couples having fun on the net, out and about, on holiday and just being together. I will be honest, I miss the companionship of having someone to go out and about with without feeling a burden to friends. Someone just for me would be nice, after all it`s been seven years now.
Also living with a young loved up couple that giggle, shower together and go out to wine & dine can often leave you feeling quite lonely and wishing you had something similar.
I opened one dating site on the say of a new acquaintance that met her hubby on it, she told me to be patient. I didn`t bother trying to tell her that most people see the disability and move on……………………….
Scope believes that there is still a long way to go with research showing that only five per cent of Brits have ever asked a disabled person out on a romantic date: “We want people to relax and not let their assumptions about disability and sex get in the way of what could be an amazing connection with another person. The important thing is to focus on the person and the connection, not the impairment.”
So, though I don`t really log in daily if I get any messages I will be notified if someone sends me a message. One such message appeared this week:
`Honesty can (but not always ) be the best policy. I do not have the strength of character to date someone in a chair. You will understand this is in no way meant to hurt.
You do look nice and at risk of sounding pervey you do look quite sexy but I think we are both looking for more then a few sexy sessions.
Good luck on here. I’m finding it awful. You can’t tell anything about anyone from a couple of pics and the odd paragraph can you.
Be good. `
This message made me smile mostly by its contradiction, he was telling me in one sentence that he hasn`t got strength of character to date someone in a chair, which states he assumes id either be hard work to date, or id need caring for. Then he`s telling me that, You can’t tell anything about anyone from a couple of pics and the odd paragraph can you, which is exactly what he did!
This is so common, id be good enough for sex but not a relationship. The other one is they are not bothered by my disability but they’ll message or text forever with no real intention of ever talking on the phone let alone meeting.
I cant imagine what is going on in their imaginations to be honest, what do they think we need or want? They clearly believe we all need caring for or something, to one extent yes, partly as the world isn`t designed around us when were out, but at home, no in my case as at home i am fully independent. Things like housework may take me longer, but I get there in the end.
The favourite questions are: Can you have sex? How do you have sex? Mostly I answer this with, yes, but not with you, because if I don`t it leads into sex talk and them inviting themselves to try!
Mostly though, I just get viewed and passed by, this fascinates me as I’ve always had a disability, and this wasn`t always a problem when I could walk, its amazing what difference a wheelchair makes!
I don`t want to be a killjoy, it does work for some people:
Katie is a beautiful and vibrant redhead with a contagious smile and a noble demeanour. When her now-boyfriend saw her as a match on eHarmony, he liked her profile. Then, he realised she was in a wheelchair and, because he’s got the logical personality that comes with being an engineer for a living, he contemplated dating her for four days, doing research on her disability prior to writing to her. “I would be stupid not knowing this girl,” he said.
I myself met my second Husband on a dating site, but looking back I think it was based on just sex at first and that never really changed much, but for some reason it lasted seven years until we moved in together with our combined children and it was over.
If you have a disability and decide to give online dating a try, follow these basic tips:
Get to know the person before meeting: If you are dating in a wheelchair, getting around may not be the easiest thing to do. When you are meeting up with someone you are interested in dating, make sure you have done an appropriate screen so you don’t show up only to be disappointed.
Pick an accessible meet-up place: When it’s time to meet, pick a place you know can accommodate and where you feel comfortable. You want to focus on getting to know your date, not on whether the environment is appropriate.
Be honest about your disability up front: Not everyone may be interested in dating someone with a disability – and you probably don’t want to waste your time with someone who may not be open to it. Weed out those people up front so you don’t have to worry about disappointment after the relationship begins to develop.
Don’t focus on your disability: If your date is only interested in talking about your disability, that probably means they aren’t interested in you as a person. Likewise, if all you do is talk about your limitations, it can hinder your ability to really get to know the other person and keep them from discovering your personality.
So, If a message pings up on my phone, I will read it and answer. If I have a moment I will browse and may occasionally send a message, (Usually ignored) but I will say that i`ve met some good people over the years, and one or two have remained friends!
As for that elusive Prince, who knows? I`m not getting any younger though!