“Dogs never bite me. Just humans.” ― Marilyn Monroe.

 

Dogs are better than humans

In my adult life I have had dogs, two I wasn`t able to keep due to circumstances out of my control at the time, and four I have had till their old age took them.

 

Dogs come into our hearts

I grew up with a dog, I loved her, she was my friend. I told her all my woes, chatted to her, lay on her when I was tired and sobbed my heart out when she was ill, suffering and had to be put down. The timing was as I left home to study across the country aged 17.

Do the right thing for the dog

Aged 21, I got a six week old Pup, she had her own `suitcase` as she came away to study with me by the sea. We walked miles on the beach, rain or shine and she`d snub me if I was drunk, which always made me smile. She slept on my bed, and had her own mind. Not the best trained dog as I didn`t really have a clue, but I loved her, she was my friend. We sofa surfed together and she was an old Lady when she passed away in my kitchen aged fourteen. Like many dog owners, I have kept the belongings that still keep her close to me and a marble headstone.
Dogs lives are too short

There`s been a couple of neighbours that have lost their dogs recently, one through old age, another through over kindness. Both owners devastated by their loss, their dogs a loved member of their family.

Dogs come into our hearts

One owner, an elderly man. His dog had been on medication for a long time, the dog clearly unwell. People quietly talking about him `doing the right thing` and not letting the dog suffer. Yes, he should have, long ago, but sad to see a grown man cry when the day actually came and the vet told him the dog had decided he`d had enough.

Dog love

The second owner loved her dog as a child substitute after being unable to carry her babies. This dog loved her and she him, but to the detriment of his health. Dishing up the same meals as she and her Husband had, but in smaller portions. The dog was obese and on the wrong diet, he struggled to breath at his biggest and couldn`t jump up like other dogs, and had the sweetest temperament.. Despite vets warnings and other people, she just couldn`t bare to deprive him and imagined he was `hungry.` Even in his last days and he was off his food she was hand feeding him chicken and steak, simply because she loved him.

Do the right thing for the dog

I had a friend years ago, her old dog had Cancer, he had been her companion before marriage and children, a reminder of her youth. She loved him. He became unwell with cancer, his face became disfigured and he was prescribed medication to ease his pain as she couldn`t bare to part with him. He eventually past while she was out and as he slept on her bed. It`s easy to pass judgement and say she should have `done the right thing by him` sooner, but love is never that easy.

Just a dog 3

I had three dogs at one time. One id only had four years, but he was such a faithful, loving old free spirit with a sad history that I loved him instantly when I met him. I felt sad when he was diagnosed with prostrate and anal cancer, (He`d not been castrated) I wanted him to have one last Christmas with my Son and I, and I made a big thing of getting him a doggy stocking etc. He did well over that period but went down hill not long after and I still question whether I should have done the right thing by him sooner. He was nineteen, a wonderful age for a beautiful spirit.

Just a dog 2

My Second dog had been on family holidays with us, she suffered terrible seperation anxiety but I loved her loving ways, such a gentle soul. She had had previous homes, but not sure how many as she had been found wandering the streets and taken to the Dogs Trust, and then put in the paper `Free to a good home` by the couple they homed her with, when I took her in. I then contacted the `Dogs Trust`  and they allowed me to keep her, she was then about 2/3yrs. In her old age she had three mini strokes, on the third I had her put down as she had become confused and disorientated. I changed Vets though after the way she was put down. She was a big dog, held down while she fought to get away and off the high table. To this day I wish Id just shouted `stop` and took her home, as she was so frightened in her last moments and I carry that guilt. She was fifteen.

June 2015 035

The last of my three is sixteen this year, her hearing and eyesight are now selective or bad. (depending on her mood, lol.) She`ll keep going as long as she still tries to the steal the cats food, wolfs down her own and has her `mad moments` in the evening when she races round in play. She`s a character, but no longer enjoys social gatherings, so she chooses to hide away. When she stops enjoying life, I will `do the right thing,` though it`s never the easiest choice.

Lhasa Apso to the moon and back

For every dog I have, it is teamwork, they give me companionship, joy, laughter and tears and in turn I try to give them a wonderful life where they only know kindness and love.

A dog

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In youth we learn; in age we understand. (Marie von Ebner-Eschenbach.)

May you have

I love my home, it`s light and airy, comfortable, newly decorated, has an ever open door policy to my friends and my Son`s friends, and has a relaxed atmosphere. My-Son

I love my Son. He`s smart, funny, affectionate and my proudest achievement, and we have travelled a rocky road to get were we are now.
Man cave

However, it`s not all plain sailing as we are basically two adults under the same roof, vying for leadership and with separate points of view and lifestyles. My Son sits in his `mancave` hours on end, surrounded by social and anti-social gadgets, IE: Mobile, homephone, X-Box, etc and there he`ll be in his comfort zone. Man-watching-TV

I pop round my Mum`s, where often is the case she`ll ask me to help her do things like her online shopping, etc, or if she`s hurt herself falling I will do her drinks and food. Some days it`s a short visit, others can be hours.

Other days I`ll be doing a helpline shift, (as I am whilst typing this too) and that keeps me grounded as I daren`t move far from the phone.

I see friends for lunch when we can and I love the change of scene and freedom of `Me` time.

I try and be sociable where I can and get out of the confines of my home.

I do have a home help once a week, she is worth her weight in gold and keeps me from chasing my tail, but I try and keep on top of my housework myself as I see it as good exercise and being productive.

Dishes & laundryOne of the biggest bug bears of mine though is, though my Son now keeps his room clean and tidy, (First started for his Gf) he`ll think nothing of bringing out his plates, cups and washing from his room and just leaving them. The fact that it`ll be his and his ex-Gfs washing up, and the fact he can`t rinse and re-use the same cup instead of getting clean, as does many a parent, drives me nuts!

washingup-global (2)

The piles of constant washing that is often clothes that id not long washed and still semi folded and clean but now overflowing from the washing box again.

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Then there`s the post it notes on the fridge, in the hope that as things are cooked or made a sweep of the hand will magic away the crumbs or spillages usually left behind for the woodland animals to clean.

Dysney

Then there`s going to the freezer to eat and finding yet another of my vege meals has been fed to his now vegetarian ex-girlfriend. Not funny when there`s only MY money coming in and his ex is now staying more nights in the hope of sorting out their broken relationship. Vege quote

However the post it notes fall off the fridge and seem to be a blind spot whilst opening the fridge door while bacon is on his mind.

make-things-happen

As is the growing trend in the UK my Son is not alone at still living at home in his early 20s, for various reasons many still are; unemployment, low wages, Being a student, Student depts from University, property prices too high, Private rents too high, it isn`t easy for the young to fly anymore.

Living with parents

https://england.shelter.org.uk/__data/assets/pdf_file/0007/906820/2014_07_The_Clipped_Wing_Generation_FINAL.pdf

Mummy`s boys

My Son is no exception, although his circumstances are slightly different in some respects. Having a disabled parent who doesn`t drive, and a work shy, absent parent means that unlike many of his friends he hasn`t had the luxury of a parent driving him around for job interviews, or to and from work or helping financially. Having a Mother not originally from the area, and with only two other female family members nearby also has meant he doesn`t have that luxury of `It`s not what you know, but who you know,` unlike some of his friends who have got jobs through their parents network. The bus times in rural areas are ridiculous, starting at 7:30 and stopping at 18:30, not conducive to work hours, especially when you live seven miles from the town.

job_loss_cycle

I`m not saying that he doesn`t lack motivation, because he could try harder and have a lot more self belief. A lot of if it is just that, his own mind is his biggest hurdle. When he was doing his apprenticeship, he enjoyed it, once he was there, and it was good to see his enthusiasm and pride at his achievements. That didn`t stop him throwing up every morning though before he left for the bus; Id lay in bed listening to him in the bathroom and his anxiety running him ragged before he was even out of the door.

Social anxiety

My Son, since stopping contact with his abusive Father in his early teens has had trouble sleeping, and still has a lamp on at night, and I`ll often be woken by his nocturnal wanderings. While he was doing his apprenticeship though, he maintained early nights to be able to get up on time, but now he is back to sleepless nights and late mornings. Anxiety & sleep

He recently broke up with his long term Girlfriend, though they remain in contact and seeing each other, (As mentioned earlier) possibly to work things out. Disappointingly though just prior he had been upbeat and getting up early, only for the stuffing to be knocked out of him again.

social-anxiety-thoughts

We had a short chat, (they`re always short or he gets defensive and angry) about his situation,  he said that he wants to get sorted out, but feels everything`s against him, then when he gets close he gets anxious and quits. I suggested counselling as I feel a lot stems from his childhood, but he saw that as not what men do. (A common misconception amongst men.)Sharks

When my Son was a child I was repeatedly told my Son couldn`t be Dyslexic as he enjoyed reading, and so it was never properly looked into. He was late for lessons, was a nightmare to get to school at all for years, and was `disruptive.` He would be sent home for days as punishment, though it`s what he wanted.  He put homework in hedges on the way home, and despite being a mine of knowledge at history and other subjects verbally, he didn`t do well in his exams.

Dyslexia

My Son has no need to pretend any more, and yet still writes in large, untidy writing and needs help to fill in forms as he misunderstands what is written and gets frustrated when he gets it wrong.

dyslexia_is_real

I do worry that the combination of his Father`s abuse, both verbally, emotionally and physically and my own anxiety, panic attacks and agorophobia has left a very real mark on our Son. It`s a guilt that I carry with me whenever I watch him struggle.

What they see

Yes, he can be argumentative, arrogant, has all the answers but no life experience, but we all wear a mask to show the world don`t we? What`s behind a smile

  On the helpline I listen and help no end of people with their anxieties, then I have all the answers and often show them the right direction to go to get more help and am praised for going that extra mile, but when it comes to helping those nearest to you, then often you can`t help because they don`t want it. find-a-role-model

What he needs is a role model, someone to take him under their wing and guide him through the maze, but I suspect he`s too old for that now sadly.

 

 

 

 

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Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can. (Arthur Ashe.)


2015 to 2016

It`s been a while since my last blog. To be honest the death of my friend was a shock that stayed on my mind for a while, resulting in that I had a dry spell.

Happy New

However, with time and a change to 2016, I started to look forward, and the word for 2016 is organization! To do list Financially, Health wise and domestically, and to be honest, it`s not perfect yet, but is going well. I have lost 5lb in weight since December the 25th. 
Weight loss

For Christmas I used any money I got and put it towards a Fitbit hr, and to be honest it has turned out to be a best buy. It keeps me focused, motivated and on track.

Fitbit-Charge-HR

It`s a great leveller when you see how much you do do, or don`t do! Synced to my Fitnesspal, I log my food and do my best to stay active.

81G5HW8qXFL._SL1500_

I do my cardio with the help of my Wii that my family bought for me a few years ago.

wild-horse

Then I do my Tai chi, which helps my mind, body and soul.

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What it has shown me though is that I don`t sleep well, no more than five or six hours on average though, and often waking sometimes too. Sleep for health

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Despite financially, not being straight since the festive season, I am keeping better tabs on what I have and haven`t spent. Cost and Budgets

I`ve always found that for me, being more organized results in less stress. Things don`t run away with me, and I feel more in control in general and things don`t run away with me.

Magic of beginnings

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I am still on the helpline, I do three shifts a week, which can be a tie at times. I always feel a guilt if I have to cancel, but sometimes to have a life I have to. Some days I get no calls, or just one or two but at the most I have had eleven in the three hours.

I have three or four `regulars` that I can recognise by their voice, and I know immediately  what they`ll need. Some are frustrating as no matter how much you talk to them, and how much outside help they get, as in GPs, CBT, CPNs, etc, they continue to `yes, but………..?` While others get armed with all the facts, they learn about their problems and become warriors to overcome them.

The stories that affect me the most are the anxieties caused by life, the elderly that feel scared and alone after losing their spouse, often this is exasperated by  failing health. ElderlyCarers of elderly relatives or special needs children that are of all ages, they often have no respite from caring 24/7 or outside help from Family or support agency’s. One Mother of a special needs young adult told me that she doesn`t bother trying any more, as being passed around on the telephone often caused her more stress and with no positive outcome at the end.Carer 2Those that have had health problems or have failing health resulting in less mobility or ability, often unable to do much more than sit in their homes, not eating correctly, or leaving their homes at all.

quote-our-society-is-not-a-community-but-merely-a-collection-of-isolated-family-units-valerie-solanas-174140

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It has come to my realisation over the last few months that I am flawed, and it`s not a fault that I am proud of, but one I need to work on.

pessimism-cycle

It`s quite simple, I continually rain on my own parade! I have tried to analyse it and all I can think of is that, because i`ve had so many knock backs, I now prepare myself for it, or that think people will think badly of me; I think it is why I am not comfortable in social situations outside of my network of friends too. I don`t know how to overcome it, but i`m working on it.

It came to light as I am in the process of gaining a assistance dog. Firstly they kept needing more information as in extreme cold weather I can`t go out due to asthma, and so they needed someone to train with the dog other than myself, but that has got complicated as it is 142miles/ 2 hours, 47 minutes away. I immediately got mentally defensive and so on.

Your-Dignity-For-Your-Destiny

My amazing friend has set up a fundraising page, as to get there I need to  hire a WAV vehicle, stay for two weeks, eat, all for myself and my `carer,` etc will cost over £2000 and I just don`t have that sort of money. My local village has got involved, well meaning and kind people, but I don`t like the attention, feeling my dignity is being stripped away. The paper was contacted, I was interviewed and photographed, and I feel like I am begging, but is that my ego?

[ File # csp7634401, License # 1478651 ] Licensed through http://www.canstockphoto.com in accordance with the End User License Agreement (http://www.canstockphoto.com/legal.php) (c) Can Stock Photo Inc. / rozum

Sometimes I see my own flaws, I have fought so hard to be strong and independent against the odds, against my disability, against societies expectations, and other peoples, that I am too independent, too proud, and sometimes too strong to let anyone help me or even into my world. My Son gets frustrated because I want to do everything myself. I keep men at arms length because I fear them trying to control me, and I worry that people do things out of pity or self appraisal.

Pride

It has been a bit of a shock to be honest, to see myself from other points of views, my Son`s and two other people, the fact that I am more negative than I realised and defensive. I think I know why, so now  I need to reverse it! Life is about self improvement!

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I`ve been back to the Poetry evening, I do enjoy it but I do find myself smiling at the arty farty lot that over analyse and flower up the poems and poets. It takes me back to when I was a student and having work published. Then I used to have exhibitions of my poems and photography, and a book published, and there was always those that would approach me to tell me how they understood my words and what they meant. Of course it was from their perception and usually wrong.

The theme last month was Winter:

White skies.

 

White skies, a blank sheet;

Emotionless bleak spread.

Stillness;

Only a sparse huddle of hungry birds bobbing,

on bare branches just budding.

Puppet string rain, silent in stealth,

Bestowing jewels to hang on webs,

left empty by the savage winter.

Biter, biting, drizzly dark,

Hangs stagnant, so still,

a lull waiting for spring.

The earth waits to wake,

It`s hidden gifts of rebirth.

SAK-(C)-16/01/`09.

Red moon.

 

Silent branches silhouetted,

Bathed in moonlight;

Reach up, pay homage,

To the red moon tonight.

White clouds peer below,

Like countries in the sky,

Shaped, alight, silent,

As though we`re upside down.

Glowing, his markings, a visage.

Mr Moon smiles bright;

Proud, as all around are

Dressed in red, he stands alone.

SAK-(C)-2015.

I don`t think WI is for me and I may stop going, despite the kindness of lifts and so on, but I`m still not sure, but I do think i`m more suited to the literature crowd.

There`s a history group re-starting, I think id quite like to go to that, but again it`s getting a lift there and home.

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2015 in review

THANK YOU to everyone that read, commented or appreciated my blog, x

Here’s an excerpt:

The concert hall at the Sydney Opera House holds 2,700 people. This blog was viewed about 9,500 times in 2015. If it were a concert at Sydney Opera House, it would take about 4 sold-out performances for that many people to see it.

Click here to see the complete report.

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“Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal.” (From an Irish headstone)

death of a friend art

Since my friend passing last Friday, it`s been on my mind a lot. I have lost four friends over the last two years, three of which passed this year, and it`s always different and never gets any easier.

We would all like to imagine someone we care about passing surrounded by loved ones and without fear or pain, sadly that isn`t always the case. One friend passed in Frankie & Benny’s, in the presence of her Husband and Son. Another woke suddenly paralysed and unable to speak and went a few weeks later with her Husband and Son still dreading their first Christmas without her; both only my own age and still missed by me.

My Ex-Husband had been a funeral director for a while, and although at first I was a bit horrified by it, after a while it made death seem less of an issue. It no longer became a taboo subject in our home and the mystery almost gone. Death by Jim Morrison

As we age there`s almost an acceptance, and a coming to terms with death.  Though as a Child my Granddad told me he wanted to go to sleep and never wake up, I was scared to go to sleep for weeks! Attending a disabled `Special` school meant that death was common and at one point I did become very frightened and wonder if I was next, because no-one ever explained; of course after a point you begin to realise. At my Son`s age, I never gave it much thought, like him, I was `Indestructible.`

There`s almost a comfort in losing friends and family, because you know they`ll be there to meet you when your turn comes. Though the pain of never seeing them, talking to them and the hole they leave can never be re-filled.death of a friend 2

With the fear of the unknown we all have our own belief systems to cope, mine is the Summerlands. In the Summerlands our souls wait in a place not good, nor bad but beautiful, until our souls are ready to return in another form; Our Tir na nOg. Here I hope to be reunited with all those I have loved and missed, including meeting my Angel babies.Angel-Babies

However, when you think of a friend all alone and you don`t know the full circumstances, it becomes a little harder to accept. You can`t help but wonder if they suffered, or were they scared; how long they lay there unknown or what actually happened; would it help to even know? He was only 38 no age at all to be taken so soon. Id known him a few years, and like me we chatted over our menageries by text. We used to meet up with friends for monthly coffee mornings and when they stopped we stayed in touch and still met up with a handful of friends, another we had lost this year. I had taken in two of his cats when he became unwell and he was always so grateful. He was a sweet friend and I will miss him a great deal.goodbyefriend1

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We were friends.

sorrow

We were friends.

(For Matthew.)

We were friends, you and I;

not many moons had passed,

memories made us friends.

Tea and biscuits,

                                   lots of chats.

Your ever smiles,

                         and welcomes.

Tears passed for lost friends,

and a shared love of animals.

I wish Id picked up the phone,

asked after your days more;

Spent time chatting with you,

connecting in times apart.

Life gets in the way too often,

in a blink chances are gone.

Memories made us friends,

those never fade,

                             are never lost.

Times pass so fast, too quick;

Now tears pass only for you.

Found `alone` in your flat,

your pets, your friends there.

I will miss you my friend,

Especially your tea and welcomes.

SAK-7/11/2015.

image

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Autumn is a second spring when every leaf is a flower. Albert Camus

autumn_47  Here we all in Autumn, October to be precise and already the sky is grey, rain falls and there`s a slight dip in temperature.  However, I like Autumn, I like this time of year, in fact it`s my favourite part of year. It`s cosy, homely, and full of family occasions. I love the ritual of battening down the hatches against the oncoming inclement weather, drawing the curtains, flicking the lamps on,  switching on the heating and cosying down with family or pets. (For added affect a sofa blanket)

I love watching the changing colours in the garden, my fruit trees hanging with their harvest ready for the picking, rain racing down the window panes and the odd springlike day where to venture out is to see spider webs hung with droplets like jewels.October keep-calm-and-be-born-in-october-1

We had the amazing combination of the full blood moon and moon eclipse last week. My Son and I got up in the early hours to see it, and though distant, it was well worth seeing. The full moon was the brightest I can remember for a while and seeing it red in eclipse was fascinating.

BloodMoon1

Life in general has picked up, mostly due to me being more committed to it.Life

I joined the WI. My first evening was nice, everyone made me feel welcome but i`m not certain that it`s my thing, it wasn`t really me in many ways. All very stiff upper lipped English in some ways, lots of minutes read out and a wealthy farmer doing a 45 minute talk, though it was interesting in places. I`ll try again as the night I went it was 100 years of the WI; they sang Jerusalem, etc. I`m undecided as of yet, so we`ll see.

Poetry evening

I also went to a poetry evening the night after and it was far more my scene. Set in a beautifully set out pub, and warm, friendly people with a creative flair and a love of poetry. They read Seamus Heaney, Robert Burns, Prudence Strong, etc. I didn`t know if you wrote your own or took others, so I took two of mine, and one went down so well that a Lady asked to keep it for her teacher daughters creative writing class!

A Show to accomplish.

Putting on your war paint 

Anticipation, trepidation.

Massaged away by sprays,

showered along thoughts,

directions bouncing blindly.

A reflection, older, tired,

Stares a return so silent.

Coconut wafts applied,

Lifelines softened glow.

The colour tray opened,

Descriptive names adjusted;

Layers of confidence created,

Insecurities  covered.

Slow, steady sweeps,

The mask builds a persona.

Liner lines defined,

War paint of strength.

Reflection returns,

A character re-created.

Ready to advance forward,

Face fears and conquer,

Celtic Warrior woman,

A show to accomplish.

 

SA K-(C)-June 2012.

poetry

After the poetry class we sat and had a drink and a chat, the people I mixed with were interesting and the conversations diverse and I really enjoyed their company.

The only disappointment was the toilets, there was no disability toilets and the Ladies was too narrow and too long a distance from the door-frame to the toilet for me to get to. I`ll just have to remember not to drink. Sadly I can`t get to the next one as the friend that drove me will be in Scotland.

A wheelchair doesn`t make someone less of a person

I`ve met up with a few fellas recently, not necessarily dating, but being brave and meeting those i`ve been chatting to on-line. One guy I met in person two years ago and we had stayed in touch but not met up again for various reasons, so we had a pizza night and chatted.

One guy is also just a friend but has a fascinating life story that we get on famously as friends, we`ve met up once and we`ll be meeting up again soon as our birthdays are close together.

Kiss me frog

I did meet a couple as potential dates but the first one, I met the first time and he was on his best behaviour but wanted to return the same day but I put him off. The second time he came round he virtually pounced on me and wanted sex there and then, on my sofa, with my Son in the building! I never saw him again after making it very clear that wasn`t on the agenda!

The other guy was great in writing………..enough said; he didn`t live up to my expectations, especially when he said he was looking for someone to move in with and I was too far from his kids! (I am NOT looking for someone to live with!)

One I never wanted to meet was the bloke that wanted to pay me to clean for me……………..NAKED! lol

Naked cleaning (Not the said man, lol)

canine-partners

Back in May I went off for an assessment with Canine Partners to Midhurst in West Sussex. I went down the day before with a friend and stayed in a lodge. We drove round a while, had a lovely lunch out where I had a gorgeous potato and onion pie.

Canine partner Doyle-collects-money

The next day was intensive but I loved being around the dogs, which was totally different from having a pet dog;  it was constant training with dogs that were old pros at it all. I had had to borrow an electric wheelchair, it was miles too big and I wasn`t used to it but I struggled through. (I don`t drive and didn`t have time to organise how to get mine there.)

canine-partners milk

Disappointingly I had a call yesterday from one of the dog trainers. She had just read the write up from the occupational therapist who came out to my home. While the OT was here I had asked if I would get a black mark against me for not being able to walk the dog myself in the bitter winter times, as I have asthma brought on by weather? She said she didn`t think so, and asked who would walk the dog instead. However the call yesterday wasn`t hopeful as they fear the dogs loyalty to me,  if someone else walks it. I personally don`t think this would be the case after having many dogs over the years, I respect though that they have to get it right, as these dogs cost thousands to train etc. So the decision will be made at a meeting next week and I can put my case if I wish to add anything.

Stairs

I never used to mind being disabled, I still don`t mostly, but since being in a wheelchair full-time over the last 21 years my view of life changed. I immediately felt much more at the mercy of others, and to me this dog thing is yet another blow. People assume we have it easy, we don`t, I have always felt that I have had to fight for everything, lower kitchens, a wet room, benefits, etc, and where obstacles could be placed they were, by the system. The motability made learning to drive an ongoing battle, then steered it towards making me look like I was being the awkward one when I complained. Now this with the dog is another disappointment; surely other disabled people can`t walk their dog every day as most disabilities fluctuate health wise?

Being disabled stairs

My Son is still job-hunting. His being home 24/7 I find really difficult as I like my own space and we live in a bungelow. He never has money to go out, and so is constantly here. His job-hunting is impeded by bus times as he relies on them, and they stop at 6:30pm and then start again around 7:30am. He has been offered interviews but wasn`t even able to make them due to bus times or routes that would have cost him more than he would have earned in wages. The joys of living in a village 7 miles from the nearest town!

complains1

I find him difficult to live with at times as he complains  a lot. I know he`s probably not content with his lot at the moment, but constantly picking me up on how I do things or the things I haven`t done doesn`t help either of us!

grumpy-life

When we`re not at loggerheads it`s lovely, we have the same sense of humour and some same interests, and those times are a relief from the oppression of his constant criticisms, where Id rather be anywhere else but here. It`s his intolerance and impatience that lets him down, his lack of real life experiences, but he thinks he knows more than I do, as young people do. When he`s lovely, he`s lovely, intelligent, happy, and a joy to be around, so lets hope he`s back in a job soon, for both our sakes!

Yamaha

He`s after getting a bike to help him jobs-wise, and being a typical Mother I have already run through every disaster scenario going.  I know it has to be done, as there`s no way he could afford a car, let alone the insurance. I do feel for him at times. We live in quite a affluent area, but we are not a wealthy family and our family arn`t all on hand to step in and help as they are scattered round the country. His Father hasn`t even sent him a birthday card since he returned to me aged 13, and so he doesn`t have parental help in masculine things.

Decorating

Monday the decorating starts in my kitchen and bathroom and finally It will be finished and done! No more looking at tatty walls and patches were cupboards used to be.

Happy birthday to me

Next week is my birthday, so happy birthday to me!

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