To love is so startling it leaves little time for anything else. Emily Dickinson.

Gone in a second
  One person that would have been over the moon to hear all about my canine partner adventures, to see pictures and support me every step of the way had she been able has just passed away last month, a week before her 97th birthday.
 She hadn`t been able to write for a couple of years, as dementia had taken over. I always felt that was such an injustice to a woman that was always so sharp-minded, so youthful in her thinking even through her elder years. What a life she must have had though and so many historic changes in her life, both good, bad and wonderous!
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Life seems but a quick succession of busy nothings. Jane Austen.

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Again it`s been a while since I added to my blog as life is sweeping me along and finding time to fit everything in and look after myself can be difficult.

Sisters by choice

I met up with family at the new year they came to stay, it was busy and fun, and a great way to bring in the New year!. I`ve known my sort of sister since she was about ten or eleven. She was a typical tomboy that played football in the streets with her dog, and could hold her own in a fight but wasn`t having the best start in life at home. Today she is raising a girlie girl that loves sparkly things and being pretty; like her Mum though I doubt she`d take any nonsense! She`s also raising a sweet natured, kind little boy that has a smile that makes you melt. She works hard, has goals and she`s  an amazing Mum with amazing kids and I`m so proud of her as she has come so far despite the challenges.

Heyshott 2

February took me and a friend on a trip to West Sussex. There had been a number of emails and calls between myself and Canine Partners in the weeks leading up to it and then finally, THAT call: `We think we`ve found the right dog for you!`

MMy trip to Sussex was quite an adventure too as it happens! Bless my friend for taking me and quite brave of her too but there was a host of things she had failed to tell me, such as, she hasn`t driven far in many years, she doesn`t use a sat nav, she can only drive manual and that when booking the WAV she hadn`t really spoken with them about the vehicle she had volunteered to drive or that when she volunteered she had hoped that my other friend would be back by then to drive me instead, lol

 She had arranged with the vehicle hire to have the car dropped off at mine at 2 pm, (She hoped to miss the traffic in London) The vehicle arrived at 1 pm but she was still at home an hour away. The vehicle was HUGE, the sort I hated at `special` school.  They had thought two wheelchairs meant two disabled people in two wheelchairs. When my friend finally arrived the two gentlemen spent ages showing her how to strap and unstrap the wheelchair into this monstrosity but NOT how to drive it! They had gone by the time we started to set off after 3 and my friend didn`t know how to drive it at all as it was automatic. So my brother in law was telling her on the phone from work and my Sister was texting or calling too! When we finally set off I could see that my friend was anxious (Something about her white knuckles on the steering wheel was a bit of a giveaway, lol) and stressed. She mistook the pedal a few times and slammed on the break, it was a very good job that myself and the wheelchairs were strapped in as we got thrown forward with a jolt.  She also stalled more than once which was a bit frightening especially on a busy road.
 She had all these printed out directions that her hubby had done for her, and there I was sitting in the back of the van in my electric wheelchair with my mobile torch directing her, which got increasingly difficult as it got darker.
 We got to Chelmsford and we had to ring the hire people and tell them that she could no longer drive the minibus. By this time I think we were both too scared to carry on. My friend was obviously terrified driving something so out of her comfort zone and I was increasingly anxious at the fact she looked and sounded so anxious and was making so many mistakes. The hire company very kindly worked out a way forward and then offered to change it there and then despite being out of hours. We sat in McDonald’s at Chelmsford for and hour as the van was freezing and we hadn`t eaten for hours. They finally came after many calls to and throw, the manager and his wife in a Peugeot that was far more suited to both our needs.
We set off again, my friend felt a bit more at ease as it was a manual drive. I didn`t feel like I was rattling around in a fridge freezer tin can, though it still got colder after a while.
 We finally got to Liphook at 9 pm but it took another hour before we found the Metro as we drove round and round; tired, too dark to read the directions easily and both still anxious from the stressful trip.
 We got to the Metro at ten only to find that despite telling the Metro booking place that I was attending Canine Partners and needed a room near my `carer` in case I need help, that because I’d not actually used the word wheelchair they had not booked me a disabled room. The two rooms booked were upstairs and they have no lift!
 The man at the desk had a short notice reshuffle and found me a ground floor room at the end of the corridor. However I couldn`t fit my wheelchair through the bathroom door, but luckily I could lodge it in the doorway and hop towards the loo holding onto the wall. The next morning though my friend had to remove a wheel to get the wheelchair into the bathroom for me to wash!
The previous night I had had to fill in a fire risk form due to my disability etc but had there been a fire that morning I would have been trapped in the bathroom and unable to get out and my friend would have been upstairs in her room packing while I washed.
 After a wash (The bath had no plug and the shower was too high) we left and had breakfast at Starbucks, which was lovely. We set off for Midhurst but after a while of going round and round I started to use the satnav on my mobile and we finally got to the CP at 11 am but I was due at 10!
 The dog trainer came down and I apologized profusely as I was embarrassed, but he was fine. I had to borrow one of their wheelchair chargers as mine had been left under the carport at home in all the van curfuffle.
 Finally, after a good chat, the trainer went to collect my dog match! (She was worth everything, She came in and she is perfect!)
 I did some cone work, going round the cones while using the command words to make the dog turn, stop, etc, and it was so much easier in my own wheelchair (Last time I had to borrow one of theirs) and it didn`t take long before she began looking to me for my next instructions instead of the trainer. We went outside for a walk and into one of the paddocks for a play, I loved it all and so did she.
 We went back inside and the trainer said I was a natural with dogs and he felt really good about the match but that he would ring the following day for how I felt and if I wanted to continue.
 The journey home was a little less eventful as I just used my mobile until we got onto the A3, despite it eating my battery per second.
 The journeys to and from put my anxiety levels and asthma through the roof and it took a few days not to feel exhausted and got a virus not long after and had to up my inhalers. My friend and I can laugh about it all now though as really it was like something from a really bad comedy sketch! lol
 A few lessons about the car hire were learned though and I have spoken to them directly with clear instructions of what`s needed in April.
 The dog trainer rang me the following day and of course, I said yes! A dogs love
  So now I am all set to go back mid-April, the vehicle is paid for barring £60. My senior dog is going to her previous owner, so I know she`ll be safe and looked after. The dog loo is built and almost ready, and the garden is safe from all rubbish and the hens fenced off. (Though at the moment getting through the dog loo trellis, so the fence isn`t working.) I am already mentally packing and practicing getting up earlier as I am not a morning person by nature. I can`t wait to see my dog again and have already bought her a pink elephant toy to play with. We`ll train for two weeks, hopefully, graduate and then we come home together! Heyshott

y trip to Liphook was quite an adventure too as it happens! Bless Sally for taking me and quite brave of her too but there was a host of things she had failed to tell me, such as, she hasn`t driven far in many years, she doesn`t use a sat nav, she can only drive manual and that when booking the WAV she hadn`t really spoken with them about the vehicle she had volunteered to drive.

Shazz

My trip to Liphook was quite an adventure too as it happens! Bless Sally for taking me and quite brave of her too but there was a host of things she had failed to tell me, such as, she hasn`t driven far in many years, she doesn`t use a sat nav, she can only drive manual and that when booking the WAV she hadn`t really spoken with them about the vehicle she had volunteered to driv

Shazz

 

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Voices

Voices………………….

too-quiet-for-you

Voices flow,

    like rivers,

Ageless,

     like rivers.

fluid,

       like rivers.

Voices talk,

     express,

           meander,

               explain,

                     share,

rushing their emotions,

     in streams undammed;

Weaving around,

           thoughts;

sweeping up debris,

in a continuous flow,

                     ageless,

                          fluid,

                               voices talk,

                                    like rivers.

SAK-(C)-5/3/2017.

river

One thing about working on the helpline never ceases to amaze, fascinate, intrigue, I’m not sure what the right word should be, but is often finding out the age of the person (usually women) I’m talking to. Why? It often comes as a surprise when they tell me they are over 60, and yet their voice has had me thinking I am talking to someone much younger.

Was it their terminology? Their voice itself? Attitude? I often don`t know and yet I can speak to another and be left thinking they were much older than their years. Often I’m left thinking age is merely a state of mind, or a result of our life experiences that has left us afraid to lead a full life and leave us living a timid, reclusive, safe life that leaves us old beyond our years.

Our voices on the telephone can be a disguise as no one can see us, we can be any age or anyone we want to be. I answer the helpline in the safe knowledge that they can`t see my disability, my wheelchair, and for those few moments I am their equal, their mentor, their safe place for a little while.

Rivers through us.jpg

 

 

 

 

 

 

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We ourselves feel that what we are doing is just a drop in the ocean. But the ocean would be less because of that missing drop. Mother Teresa

Where to start this blog, as I haven`t been here for a while, life has been busy. Also despite finding writing a blog very cathartic, I`m also a little wary about over sharing, which is why I stay anonymous.april-2015-048

Life has been full this year, not by everyone’s standards but by my own as a disabled person. At times it has been tiring, sometime`s I’ve needed some `me` time, but I have enjoyed it and feel a more accepted part of my community, despite never quite losing the disabled lady tag.

time_flies

I have just looked and it`s been three months since I last typed this!

summer

I made a deliberate effort this year to get out and about. I never went far outside of where I live, (I`m aware that it`s more effort for others then, as in driving, lugging my wheelchair in and out of cars and then pushing me as I can`t take my electric wheels, they`re too big for standard cars)  but I went to groups, met up with friends and attended coffee mornings. I visited a museum and made a host of new friends along the way.  People remember me, the usual question is, “Have you heard about your dog yet?” garon

I haven’t heard about meeting my Canine partner yet, (It`s been 18mths)  but I feel a new surge of belonging  amongst the `purple army` of people that have these dogs. Through Facebook they have embraced me, advised me, reassured me and are as eagerly anticipating that call with me.

I met one of the girls this weekend, and her beautifully behaved boy that stood by her side and greeted everyone lovingly, while never taking his eyes off his `mum` for too long.

I then met the young pup in the picture above, who is now 6 months old and still in training with his puppy parents.

The more I hear and see, the more excited I am for when that day comes, in fact, my bag is starting to get packed and included are a soft toy and chew bone, together with an ID for its collar. The `Purple army` assure me that my life will never be the same again, that the joy of becoming `invisible` is one of the best results in a world, where we`re so used to being looked at or ignored, now their dog is the focus of attention and the start of conversations on equal terms. It isn`t only about what they can do for us physically.

family-branches

Some of my Family came to stay for a week. Three of my Nephews, all under 12, and their Mum came down south on the train, which took them hours from the North West.  We decided before they came that we were going to make memories and that we did.

We filled each day with something, with the help of friends of mine, and including them made it all the more special. I couldn`t always join in, but just watching them and being with them was enough, and they never failed to include me somehow.

Their Mum is a powerhouse, a wonder woman and the best mother I have ever seen, she gets involved in everything they do and often with more enthusiasm than them, lol.

As a friend, there is nothing we can`t talk about, and I simply adore her, she is amazing considering all that she has gone through in life.

To see my nephews after a couple of years was wonderful, they are such well-behaved gentlemen that stand up for other people on buses, shake hands when introduced to people and are always grateful for what they are given. They are great company, good conversationalists and I missed them too much when they returned home, but we had made some great memories and took over 300 pictures between us! family-time

I took over the administration for a Poetry group this Summer too. At first, I was a little self-conscious and didn`t want to be pushy or control the money side of it, and so I opened up and asked another Lady to take that over.I am now part of a duo that gets it sorted for others to enjoy, which is a nice feeling.  My Friend who takes me said that I shocked her and I suddenly looked like I belonged and had more confidence. I was a poet, it is my natural domain and I understand it. So now I do all the advertising, putting it out there on local pages to bring people in, and organize the posters etc and then read my own or others poems when I get there. I thoroughly enjoy it.cohen

34-menopause-symptoms-list

Ahhhhhhhhh and then there’s this, the menopause! As if Periods, Pregnancy, childbirth, Sore & leaky nipples during breastfeeding were not enough! Now I`m having tropical moments as my friend calls them, and waking up at night as though I’m in a sauna! September gave me a 23 day period but October kindly chose not to give me one at all! My sleep has been all over the show since last year, and roughly six and a half hours is average according to my Fitbit. I feel tired a lot but fortunately, they are my only real signs, I generally feel alright, though not as tolerant as I used to be.

I have visited my hospital as I fear lower bone density, which is any able bodied woman is a worry, but with a woman with Osteogenesis Imperfecta is a double worry. However, I am assured that Osteoporosis and Osteogenesis don`t team up, they run separately, so though I may gain Osteoporosis, it won`t affect my Osteogenesis (Are you following this?)  but I still may start to fracture more, simply because of the menopause. (It`s still not good news!) resistance-bands

So off I trot to an occupational therapist for combat strategies, and I leave with info, and a resistance band!

menopause-2

Despite tropical moments, I went back on a dating site, simply because out and about I am usually surrounded by couples and It looks nice.

april-2015-088

I was chatting to a guy for just over two months and he decided to ask if I’d like to meet up for lunch the next day, of course, I agreed. He`s not my `normal` type, he`s a couple of years older than me, a little overweight, but let’s be honest, where has my normal type got me so far? We get on well in text and never a day went by that we hadn`t shared our day with each other, so I was quietly optomistic.

So, I was waiting on whether or not a car he had fixed up for a MOT or not (He`s a mechanic) as to whether or not he could meet up still. He texted to say he could. So, I didn`t over do it but I scrubbed up, dressed nice and did my face. I wheeled to the pub with a close neighbour and met up with a lady that has a guide dog on the way for a chat. I could see his Landrover in the car park and his little dog sniffing nearby.

I waved, he waved back and I eventually finished my chat and went over. He`s no Aidan Turner but he has a quiet masculinity about him. I made a fuss of his dog and noticed the gentleman was very reserved. We eventually went in for lunch. He sat down as we decided on what to eat and I noticed his oily jeans and that even his hands were still black & oily. The conversation didn`t flow easily all the time, mostly due to his reserved nature, (He`s the same in texts, mixed signals, contrary and doesn’t give a lot) However it wasn`t uncomfortable which is strange. We parted company, he was in a hurry to get back to work.

A couple of days passed and he hadn’t mentioned our meeting at all, or what he thought of me, not a word, so eventually I asked him outright, I don`t waste my time these days. His reply was a bit tongue in cheek, very him but none the less not complimentary:Morning , bit mad here today ! Mmm big questions last nite lol , cards on table it was good to meet you finally , i liked you would be nice to have lunch or something again some time i’ll be ur friend as long as you want me to be but nothing more sadly. I’ve pretty much given up on dating site so probably going to be a non practicing homosexual think thats the way forward lol x”

So we met on the 4th, the message about just being friends on the 8th and tomorrow the 17th we may meet up for lunch again! always-got

helium

I recently had trouble with my wheelchair. If I went out with friends they weren`t able to lock the rear wheels back in. MY wheelchair is six years old now, it`s used 365 days of the year and needs a really good clean. I had it fixed once but this time got a friend to do it as he`s an engineer. salsa

However, for a few days, I had to use my outdoor electric wheelchair, and this was a huge life lesson for me.  I found it increasingly frustrated to be high up, the footplates do not allow me to get near surfaces and unable to be under my own power. Everything seemed slower, the housework built up around me, if I dropped anything it was a mission if I didn`t have the hand grabber with me. The relief to be back in my manual and free to whizz round at my own speed made me grateful to be able to do so.

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I am still on the helpline and still find it fulfilling and even on the days when I don`t really feel up to it, I feel a sense of good after for a call that stood out. It was a little hard to juggle around a life outside of the home and my Son who often comes in and is irritated that he can`t talk to me.

However now, after a telephone course, I am now a mentor too,which means I am able to do one to one calls with people that need that extra time over a span of six weeks. I have my first two service users details and will soon begin.october-birthday-derek

I had a lovely birthday time this year in mid-October, I was spoilt by my friends and my family, and felt very blessed. fb_img_1446285525598

I thoroughly enjoyed Samhain this year too, spending it with my thirteen-year-old Nephew who helped me prepare food and scare the little trick or treaters that came round. We then visited my Mother with Barmbrack and our orange treats.

Of course, it is also our New year, and so I started a new journal and looked back at the past year with a real sense of achievement and acceptance!

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Helpliner. (Poem.)

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Helpliner.

You don`t know me,

 I`m a voice on the phone,

A number you chose to call,

 To share your deepest fears.

You call from a place of safety,

 Anonymous from your home,

A haven that`s a safe prison,

 Where rituals and habits rule.

You cry out your despair,

 Sob your sheer panic aloud;

You share your darkest secrets,

 Your life story pours out.

Sometimes you vent your anger,

 I am your target that day.

Venting your frustrations,

 We somehow find a different way.

You may ring to share fantasies,

 The off chance taken to thrill,

You`re redirected hastily,

 As your needs I simply distil.

You ring me in loneliness,

 Your solitude suffocating,

You`re one of my `regulars`,

Weeks have passed,

                           no one visiting;

You ruminate,

                                      building fears,

 Reaching fever pitch alone,

Your worst case scenarios,

 We crisis breath,

                          we talk,

 so you`re not alone.

You`re individuals,

                                                     each one,

 Separate lives,

                                           different seasons.

Sometimes a loved one phones,

 Unable to comprehend the reasons;

Their call as valuable as yours,

 They try to understand;

                                                    they want to,

They feel frustrated,

                                                    then guilt,

 They call as they love you.

I listen to you all,

                                               each person,

 Patiently,

                                        quietly,

with empathy,

I focus on your words,

                                              between the lines,

 The unsaid deciphered silently.

I cherish your thank you`s,

  I Leave the line with a smile,

I helped you today,

                                        You praised me,

 I heard you relax,

                                              laugh even,

 It wasn`t easy,

                                                   but thank you!

 

 

 

SAK-(C)-2016.

 

Wednesday, 07 September 2016.

 

 

 

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‘How do you have sex?’

Hot chick

I haven’t mentioned dating recently in my blog, mainly because it hasn’t featured highly on my Richter scale, I have been too busy becoming part of my community and decorating my home room by room. Trying to meet Mr Perfect for me has been put to the back of the queue.

I have thought more about it recently, as the summer months are full of pictures of couples having fun on the net, out and about, on holiday and just being together. I will be honest, I miss the companionship of having someone to go out and about with without feeling a burden to friends. Someone just for me would be nice, after all it`s been seven years now.human potential

Also living with a young loved up couple that giggle, shower together and go out to wine & dine can often leave you feeling quite lonely and wishing you had something similar.

 love deserve

 I opened one dating site on the say of a new acquaintance that met her hubby on it, she told me to be patient. I didn`t bother trying to tell her that most people see the disability and move on……………………….wp-1470580447621.jpg

Scope believes that there is still a long way to go with research showing that only five per cent of Brits have ever asked a disabled person out on a romantic date: “We want people to relax and not let their assumptions about disability and sex get in the way of what could be an amazing connection with another person. The important thing is to focus on the person and the connection, not the impairment.” Right oppertunities

So, though I don`t really log in daily if I get any messages I will be notified if someone sends me a message. One such message appeared this week:

`Honesty can (but not always ) be the best policy. I do not have the strength of character to date someone in a chair. You will understand this is in no way meant to hurt.
You do look nice and at risk of sounding pervey you do look quite sexy but I think we are both looking for more then a few sexy sessions.
Good luck on here. I’m finding it awful. You can’t tell anything about anyone from a couple of pics and the odd paragraph can you.
Be good. `
Wheelchair love 10
This message made me smile mostly by its contradiction, he was telling me in one sentence that he hasn`t got  strength of character to date someone in a chair, which states he assumes id either be hard work to date, or id need caring for. Then he`s telling me that, You can’t tell anything about anyone from a couple of pics and the odd paragraph can you, which is exactly what he did! I-am-so-very-sorry-does-my-disability-make-you-fee

This is so common, id be good enough for sex but not a relationship. The other one is they are not bothered by my disability but they’ll message or text forever with no real intention of ever talking on the phone let alone meeting. Treated

I cant imagine what is going on in their imaginations to be honest, what do they think we need or want? They clearly believe we all need caring for or something, to one extent yes, partly as the world isn`t designed around us when were out, but at home, no in my case as at home i am fully independent. Things like housework may take me longer, but I get there in the end. I am in a wheelchair

 The favourite questions are: Can you have sex? How do you have sex? Mostly I answer this with, yes, but not with you, because if I don`t it leads into sex talk and them inviting themselves to try!

wheelchair-sex-positions-1

Mostly though, I just get viewed and passed by, this fascinates me as I’ve always had a disability, and this wasn`t  always a problem when I could walk, its amazing what difference a wheelchair makes! 
sexy wheelchair woman

I don`t want to be a killjoy,  it does work for some people:

Kate & bfKatie is a beautiful and vibrant redhead with a contagious smile and a noble demeanour. When her now-boyfriend saw her as a match on eHarmony, he liked her profile. Then, he realised she was in a wheelchair and, because he’s got the logical personality that comes with being an engineer for a living, he contemplated dating her for four days, doing research on her disability prior to writing to her. “I would be stupid not knowing this girl,” he said.

I myself met my second Husband on a dating site, but looking back I think it was based on just sex at first and that never really changed much, but for some reason it lasted seven years until we moved in together with our combined children and it was over. strength-quote

If you have a disability and decide to give online dating a try, follow these basic tips:

  • Get to know the person before meeting: If you are dating in a wheelchair, getting around may not be the easiest thing to do. When you are meeting up with someone you are interested in dating, make sure you have done an appropriate screen so you don’t show up only to be disappointed.

  • Pick an accessible meet-up place: When it’s time to meet, pick a place you know can accommodate and where you feel comfortable. You want to focus on getting to know your date, not on whether the environment is appropriate.

  • Be honest about your disability up front: Not everyone may be interested in dating someone with a disability – and you probably don’t want to waste your time with someone who may not be open to it. Weed out those people up front so you don’t have to worry about disappointment after the relationship begins to develop.

  • Don’t focus on your disability: If your date is only interested in talking about your disability, that probably means they aren’t interested in you as a person. Likewise, if all you do is talk about your limitations, it can hinder your ability to really get to know the other person and keep them from discovering your personality.

Inside im not different

So, If a message pings up on my phone, I will read it and answer. If I have a moment I will browse and may occasionally send a message, (Usually ignored) but I will say that i`ve met some good people over the years, and one or two have remained friends!

snow-white-is-pushed-in-her-wheelchair-by-her-prince

As for that elusive Prince, who knows? I`m not getting any younger though!

 

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Without a sense of caring, there can be no sense of community.


Friendship girls

Last May I went to West Sussex about having a Canine Partner.It was prompted by a local Blind Lady encouraging me, together with seeing assistance dogs at a disability conference a few years ago and the fact that my present dog is in her 16th year.

  It took a bit of organising but our local Good neighbours volunteers managed to find someone to drive and accompany me and with the social services paying the cost of fuel with by Direct Payments. 

Canine partners

The two days in West Sussex were great, and a real blast from the past, as i`d spent many years living  there. Being in the month of May, it was beautiful, the trees and flowers at their most vivid. The Lady that drove was already a partial friend, but became a good friend through this experience. I loved all the dogs, and though self conscious and shy I enjoyed the assessment. The staff and dogs are all amazing and even on that one day I learnt such a lot about what the dogs could do, their training and my needs. Canine partner 2

I was visited by a occupational therapist at my home and have now been on the waiting list since my assessment since last May. Here she looked round, assessed my needs, met my life and wrote it all down. Occupational-therapy

I  received a letter conforming that I was accepted and the wait was 18mths to two years while they found a suitable Pup for me and trained them towards me needs.

Canine partner 1

In the meantime I have to save the money to get there and stay for the two weeks training.

Piggy bank

Expenses have been worked out as follows:

Fuel  £377.50

Accomodation x 2 people for 14 days £700

Meals  £114

Mobility vehicle hire  £1,073

TOTAL  £2,262.50!

Real_Friend_

So, as id never have that money, especially since mine has kindly been cut. My best friend, the person I trust 100% to have my best interests at heart took on the task of raising the money. Real friends 3 No matter how many people tell me that I am not begging, it feels that way to me. By someone else taking the reins, it means that I can be involved as little or much as I choose to be, without being wheeled out in front of people for the ahhhhhhhh factor.

So a Crowdfunding page was opened, this raised £770, but closed on March the 18th as they have a limited life span. This morphed into a paypal account, which continued to be used and still does for any money raised, together with a Twitter and Facebook page! (She really was a busy Lady!)  Real friends

  This though was about the time it grew some wings and took on a life of its own and grew in momentum, it became a community project. Straight away someone from a local garage donated the first tank of petrol to get to the Canine Partners training;Paper people the local pub; good neighbours; the wife of a parish counsellor; a local band; friends far and wide in the county; all with this shared goal, it was all so heartwarming, It felt a bit surreal at times, but so welcoming to me. community-words

 It can often be quite hard for a person with a disability to feel accepted because of their differences, societies attributions, their own past experiences can crowd their own perceptions on whether they feel accepted or not, and of course the general layout of where they live can inhibit how much they can join in with local events, etc. strangers-are-just-friends

There was an evening arranged at my local pub, a band had volunteered to play for the evening for free, tickets were sold, raffle prizes given, a donation for snacks given and the word put out. 

 The night came and it was perfect in so many ways, and not all to do with the reason we were there. My closest friends came, some drove from an hour away, and others were staying with local friends as they lived a while away. I flitted from table to table, and enjoyed seeing them all in one room, and to be honest I felt so loved.

I was over the moon to see my family turn up as I wasnt sure they would, and it was nice to spend time with them outside of a family situation. My Son came, not for long as it really wasn`t his scene. He came in, spoke to a few people, sat down near me for a while and then left to chat to his girlfriend, but he had come!Anais Nin

 Seven years ago the village raised money for both my wheelchairs, but whether it was me or whether it was the situation but it felt so different. I had to make more personal appearances, thank people at several venues, etc, and I felt embarrassed, a loss of dignity and though I was being made to thank people as a child would. 

This experience has been free flowing, more natural and I have wanted genuinely to thank everyone, plus some, for their efforts, kindness and continued support and interest.meeting-new-friends So through these last few months I have met new people, got to know others better, and have started opening up a new world, and this is before I even have my new canine friend who will open even more doors with it`s arrival. I even have a new friend that will go dog walking with me when I get my dog!Make-New-Friends

  Now its just a matter of waiting for news of when a suitable Pup is found and ready and I am over half way up the waiting list. Canine Partners have had a few hold ups, in the shape of high enquiries, recently losing two members of their training staff, having a higher than usual fail rate in their dogs with behaviour or illness anda few of their brood bitches being withdraw due to health reasons, resulting in less Puppies.

  However they have placed 29 dogs this year so far and hope to have placed 84 by the end of 2016.

After the Pub fund raiser where over £600 was raised, someone anonymous kindly donated what was left to raise, a sum of £900 and now we have the full amount needed to get to the training centre in a hired WAV vehicle, pay for myself and my driver/carer for two weeks to stay and eat and any added costs. 

 To my bestie a huge thank you, and to all those that donated, big money or small, thank you, to those that came to support me, thank you and to those that stop me when Im out to ask if ive heard anything, thank you and to those that support me via the internet, thank you!

Thank you

 

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Money is a mechanism for control. David Korten.

Money waves goodbye    Disabled money wise I, like a lot of people have undergone a lot of changes, and not for the better.

Firstly is was my Severe disablement allowance which changed to Employment and Support Allowance. (Severe Disablement Allowance (SDA) was a United Kingdom state benefit intended for those below the state pension age who cannot work because of illness or disability. It was replaced by Incapacity Benefit in April 2001, which itself was replaced by Employment and Support Allowance.)

I kept hearing a lot of talk in the media about the Personal Independence Payment and how some people had lost their disability cars and through this their independence.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-35476904

http://www.itv.com/news/2015-03-13/disability-cuts-start-to-bite-those-who-need-it-most/

I have a friend who has done advocacy for years and she pre-warned of the cuts and the outcome for many disabled.

Despite all this I remained complacent and didn`t fear the changes, thinking that a lot must be scaremongering.

However by the time my letter came for a consultation with a health professional for Feb the 19th, I was by now slightly unnerved by the rapid surges of stories of the misery caused by these changes, these not only included loss of independence but deaths too.

I saw the ex nurse in my home, she was kind, patient and congruent, however I was afraid to move in case I seemed too independent; this in itself goes against everything I have ever tried to achieve in life. She left, but the worry didn`t. Invisible disabled

I have spent my entire life trying to prove to family, people I meet and new friends and lovers, that being disabled doesn`t mean being incapable, dependant, a burden, needy, a drain on society. Yet here I was feeling as though we were returning to the Victorian times.

Historic England`s site writes: The pull of the asylum and the workhouse was strong, but many thousands of people with disabilities stayed in their communities. The social investigator Henry Mayhew (1812-1887) described the disabled beggars of the London streets in 1862, including the “idiotic looking youth… shaking in every limb” and the “crab-like man without legs strapped to a board (who) walks upon his hands”.

Some disabled people prospered. James ‘deaf’ Burke (1809-1845), also known as ‘the deaf ‘un’, rose from poverty to become a world champion prize fighter. Henry Fawcett (1833-1884), blinded as a young man, became Postmaster-General in 1880; he introduced the parcel post and the postal order.`

cartoon-Catherine-Pain-paralympics

I truly believe this is what we are returning to. disability crimes are on the rise because we are being made to look like we`re benefit scroungers or faking it.

DisabiltyHateCrimePanel

So here we are. The letter came, and I was horrified to see we`re graded in two categories, Daily living and Mobility activities.  A list of things like preparing food, toilet needs, dressing and undressing, communication, etc, for these you get scored up to four for each and if a category was given  12 points then you get the enhanced rate, if you get lower as I did with 10, then you`re offered the standard rate. Cameron

Then to add insult to injury and blind me with science, they then paid me in the April only 139.75 for the month, without warning and with a sudden leap into my overdraft facility!

I now receive the standard rate of Daily living, with now means I`m now at a monthly rate of £124.88 less that I used to get, when I was told my DLA was for life as is my disability. 

I am now grossly overdrawn due to the sudden drop of money in April and the drop now in benefits, which according to the paperwork includes the `money we owe you and all future payments.` I rang in April about the huge drop in money that month as I feared for my bills and had spent as normal without realising, but was repeatedly told, `that`s the way it`s done.`atos-hammer-small

The Motability people sadly have a statement for all the people now in a position where they are losing their cars: http://www.motability.co.uk/understanding-the-scheme/personal-independence-payment-and-motability/q-and-a-transitional-support-package DLA

The Motability scheme don`t only enable people to hire cars, but also power chairs, which is the difference between being in their homes 24/7 or being able to be out and part of their community. My own power chair was almost £6000, they are not cheap. 

Power chair

Its been gruelling, but its not over yet; I have appealed against the decision as im not a tick box, I am an individual. No two days are the same, I can be alright this morning but be on six weeks bedrest with a fracture by this evening. I was born this way, I`m not going to have a Lourdes recovery, in fact with age it well may become worse with the onset of Osteoporosis alongside my Osteogenesis.


Old disabled The elderly believe they are disabled, which to a degree they are but they are the primary voters that are exempt from bedroom tax, disability cuts or changes.Invictus
 

 The most recent talk are the Invictus games, a good cause but sadly over shadowing the Paralympics and the real problems faced by those not made disabled by heroic acts but by birth or life. Disabled population

 (Excuse writing changes, I cant correct them and dont know why it kept changing on it`s own, if you know please let me know, x)

 

 

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Most activism is brought about by us ordinary people. Patricia Hill Collins.

Herd mentality   -Friedrich-Nietzsche-Quotes

I am a Disabled, Vegetarian, anti trident, anti hunting, animal rescuing woman that only uses eco & non animal tested products in her home, that has tried to raise her Son to see what a strong, independent woman can achieve.Ghandi

I try to live by what I believe, but I don`t tend to dictate my values onto others, despite them being important to me.

Herd mentality 4

It shocks me though, the amount of venom I see amongst people on the internet aimed at others that don`t match their beliefs; their personal beliefs spat and used as ammunition to degrade and intimidate others.

Herd mentality  5

I have been disabled since my Mothers womb, although I know no different, I have only been a fulltime wheelchair for 22yrs. I have rarely felt the need to use my disability as a `get out of jail free card` and have never considered myself hard done by or hard up.

I once went to a Disability meeting in London, and left totally ashamed and embarrassed to be disabled after listening to a person`s able bodied relative being lambasted by the disabled there; It wasn`t positive for their cause. I have since been told by people that they`re afraid to hold doors open or help, after being verbally attacked when doing so by the disabled. (Even able bodied people have doors held open for them, i`ve seen it!) Notes left on cars with blue badges by other blue badge holders when they `don`t look disabled enough,` when in fact they may have an unseen disability. (I have been guilty of assuming in the past, but now hopefully know better.) Disabled parking note

FB_IMG_1445067833564

I have been a vegetarian since I was 21, that`s a long time now, I have only lapsed when in a controlling relationship where I was subjected to humiliation for my beliefs, as soon as that was over I returned to not eating meat. I have a manner of reasons for choosing this way of life: All animals tremble

1, I don`t believe there is any kind way to kill another sentient being.

2, Mass production means animals are only seen as a commodity and not a living being.

3, I don`t believe we have a clue what drugs are fed or placed into animals to make them fatten up etc, and then these are consumed by those that eat them.

4, I don`t approve of the way these beings are kept from birth to death, separated from mothers, Killed for being the wrong sex, etc.

5, In the words of George bernard Shaw, `Animals are my friends, and I don`t eat my friends.`

6. I don`t understand why people cry and get upset about Dogs being eaten and can`t see the same about pigs, cows, lambs, etc. The Tesco horror about Horse meat was a classic example of that.

7. I believe my diet is healthier and brings about a better, more thought out lifestyle, I think about what I eat and the benefits outweigh any social inconvenience I have when eating out.

8. I am happy! Rabbit or Apple

I am happy to respect other people`s choices though, I don`t inflict mine and won`t say anything unless asked, because It is MY choice, not there`s.

I am on animal sites where I have obtained my battery hens or rescue animals and see the hatred directed at those that have rescued hens, etc but still choose to eat meat. I myself have been under attack for not going completely Vegan, and yet, at home I eat dairy free products such at margarine, milk, etc, it is only when out I choose not to expect others to buy soya milk just for me!Vegan oppression I respect my Son`s choice to eat meat, though we use separate frying pans, etc, and I know that has been frowned upon by some in the past, but just as I never chose his religion or clothes sense I also don`t choose his eating choices, they have to be his and come from the right place. His Girlfriend though HAS become vegetarian in the time they have been together and she`s been visiting here.

I speak for those with no voice

I have taken in rescue animals since I had my first home, dogs, cats, rats, mice, all sorts, even a owl that was hit by a car bumper, seagulls, a goose, so many. I used to volunteer with a rabbit rescue but soon realised that the woman I took the rabbits in for was letting the rescue place think she was doing it all herself, no mention of me! FB_IMG_1444815517500

I have always supported animal charities, not always financially, as that would cost a fortune but in Christmas cards, and putting the word out, but have often thought that they see every person interested in a animal as a potential wrong`un until proven otherwise. They can often give out the wrong signals because they see so much abuse, sometimes seeming hostile.

 

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I first learnt about Nuclear bombs during my CSE Art exam where I did a black and white depiction of victims of a bomb and only the nuclear explosion was coloured, I got a B in this exam. My Art teacher was a typically travelled to India hippie type, and my favourite teacher because she taught us more than just the basic subjects. I loved listening to her travelling tales while we worked.

In Devon, at College, my electronics tutor was of a similar vein to my art teacher.My tutor refused to have a tele in his home, preferring to let his children lead a more natural lifestyle. He taught me pyrography and I made a wooden pendant with the CND sign on it, and had a anti trident poster on my wall in my room, amongst the latest pop idols, all because of listening to him talk.

With the recent activity of leaders chosen by media raised generations, for all the wrong reasons, I fear that Trident control is more necessary than ever. Even the fact that people accept so easily nuclear power with no fear of the dangers if anything goes wrong fills me with dread! hiroshima-shadows

Hiroshima should have been a lesson to us all, but nothing was learnt, and now Tridents are more powerful than ever, NOTHING would survive, so why are we so determined to defend them as deterrents against war? Stop the Trident

It is the same fear that keeps guns in peoples home for protection, where innocent children accidental shoot each other, and people shoot each other for the wrong reasons, or mass shootings happen! Can you imagine that same mentality let loose with a Trident?

I know the arguments for this, they come thick and fast, people rally for and against but to me it makes no logical sense to keep something in each and every country, they cost millions, where money could be spend on the good, for people rather than fear, death and destruction.

Nuclear Power-Free Countries

The growing list of countries pledging to phase out nuclear power:

  • Belgium
  • Denmark
  • Japan
  • Germany
  • Scotland (100% renewable by 2020)
  • Sweden
  • Switzerland

Countries which are no longer nuclear powered, or never were and have pledged to stay to that way:

  • Australia
  • Austria
  • Belize
  • Cambodia
  • Colombia
  • Costa Rica
  • Greece
  • Ireland
  • Italy
  • Latvia
  • Liechtenstein
  • Lithuania
  • Nepal
  • New Zealand
  • Peru
  • Spain

Would envy the dead

Enviroment Vs Money

As you probably know by now if you read my blog regularly, I follow a Pagan path. The earth, elements and nature are important to me. I quietly do my bit to help save our planet by not bringing anything into my home that poisons the water, kills the soil or harms anything living alongside us. I believe if we all chose to do this, we would be leaving not only a better planet for our children but a less material message to pass down. The prices would come down as eco and organic products cost more at the moment, and it would become the norm to show we care rather than `hippie` as it is seen now.

If organic products cost less more people would eat healthier by choice and convenience foods would not be the first option for struggling parents; obesity would also become less and so on.Instead we invest more money in wider ambulances, trolleys and the suchlike, costing millions and adapting homes for those already obese instead of educating them. Why do we always choose the less obvious option?

People become so militant about their beliefs, which I understand, and political correctness is one such subject where speaking the truth causes outcry and is seen as bullying, though some do go too far and refuse to back down in their passion, it`s a fine line. Bullying

All one race

Being Gay

Do marches work? Does shouting someone down make them listen, (it doesn`t seem to in the house of commons) does being passionate make you any more right? you-dont-need-religion-to-have-morals-if-you-cant-determine-right-from-wrong-then-you-lack-empathy-quote-1I don`t know but I know these people made the world listen, and they did it by example not conflict.

I like to stay quiet and just live by example. I am somebody

 

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“Dogs never bite me. Just humans.” ― Marilyn Monroe.

 

Dogs are better than humans

In my adult life I have had dogs, two I wasn`t able to keep due to circumstances out of my control at the time, and four I have had till their old age took them.

 

Dogs come into our hearts

I grew up with a dog, I loved her, she was my friend. I told her all my woes, chatted to her, lay on her when I was tired and sobbed my heart out when she was ill, suffering and had to be put down. The timing was as I left home to study across the country aged 17.

Do the right thing for the dog

Aged 21, I got a six week old Pup, she had her own `suitcase` as she came away to study with me by the sea. We walked miles on the beach, rain or shine and she`d snub me if I was drunk, which always made me smile. She slept on my bed, and had her own mind. Not the best trained dog as I didn`t really have a clue, but I loved her, she was my friend. We sofa surfed together and she was an old Lady when she passed away in my kitchen aged fourteen. Like many dog owners, I have kept the belongings that still keep her close to me and a marble headstone.
Dogs lives are too short

There`s been a couple of neighbours that have lost their dogs recently, one through old age, another through over kindness. Both owners devastated by their loss, their dogs a loved member of their family.

Dogs come into our hearts

One owner, an elderly man. His dog had been on medication for a long time, the dog clearly unwell. People quietly talking about him `doing the right thing` and not letting the dog suffer. Yes, he should have, long ago, but sad to see a grown man cry when the day actually came and the vet told him the dog had decided he`d had enough.

Dog love

The second owner loved her dog as a child substitute after being unable to carry her babies. This dog loved her and she him, but to the detriment of his health. Dishing up the same meals as she and her Husband had, but in smaller portions. The dog was obese and on the wrong diet, he struggled to breath at his biggest and couldn`t jump up like other dogs, and had the sweetest temperament.. Despite vets warnings and other people, she just couldn`t bare to deprive him and imagined he was `hungry.` Even in his last days and he was off his food she was hand feeding him chicken and steak, simply because she loved him.

Do the right thing for the dog

I had a friend years ago, her old dog had Cancer, he had been her companion before marriage and children, a reminder of her youth. She loved him. He became unwell with cancer, his face became disfigured and he was prescribed medication to ease his pain as she couldn`t bare to part with him. He eventually past while she was out and as he slept on her bed. It`s easy to pass judgement and say she should have `done the right thing by him` sooner, but love is never that easy.

Just a dog 3

I had three dogs at one time. One id only had four years, but he was such a faithful, loving old free spirit with a sad history that I loved him instantly when I met him. I felt sad when he was diagnosed with prostrate and anal cancer, (He`d not been castrated) I wanted him to have one last Christmas with my Son and I, and I made a big thing of getting him a doggy stocking etc. He did well over that period but went down hill not long after and I still question whether I should have done the right thing by him sooner. He was nineteen, a wonderful age for a beautiful spirit.

Just a dog 2

My Second dog had been on family holidays with us, she suffered terrible seperation anxiety but I loved her loving ways, such a gentle soul. She had had previous homes, but not sure how many as she had been found wandering the streets and taken to the Dogs Trust, and then put in the paper `Free to a good home` by the couple they homed her with, when I took her in. I then contacted the `Dogs Trust`  and they allowed me to keep her, she was then about 2/3yrs. In her old age she had three mini strokes, on the third I had her put down as she had become confused and disorientated. I changed Vets though after the way she was put down. She was a big dog, held down while she fought to get away and off the high table. To this day I wish Id just shouted `stop` and took her home, as she was so frightened in her last moments and I carry that guilt. She was fifteen.

June 2015 035

The last of my three is sixteen this year, her hearing and eyesight are now selective or bad. (depending on her mood, lol.) She`ll keep going as long as she still tries to the steal the cats food, wolfs down her own and has her `mad moments` in the evening when she races round in play. She`s a character, but no longer enjoys social gatherings, so she chooses to hide away. When she stops enjoying life, I will `do the right thing,` though it`s never the easiest choice.

Lhasa Apso to the moon and back

For every dog I have, it is teamwork, they give me companionship, joy, laughter and tears and in turn I try to give them a wonderful life where they only know kindness and love.

A dog

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